Archive for March, 2002

The best gift

Yesterday I got my Valentine’s Day gift early. It was, by far, the best gift that I could ever hope for or even imagine.

I had him call me, from the highway, and tell me when he was about an hour from town. He did. Then he asked why. I told him I wanted to meet him, welcome him to his new home.

I zzzoooomed out to a hidden offramp of the highway where I was blocked from view by giant pinons and desert scrub. I called him a few minutes later and asked him where he was. “I’m 15 miles from town.” I just smiled. He asked where I was. “It’s a surprise,” I said. He laughed and we hung up the phones.

Less than 10 minutes later I saw him pass and I took off (excelerating at speeds that are, in fact, illegal on public highway) to catch up to him. I pulled up right next to his moving van and held steady, no traffic behind either of us, and just smiled at him. He glanced over, nonchalantly, and held up a piece of candy for me.

I then pulled in front of him and led him into town…once my own home and now our home.

We have separate residences. We are going to get used to living in the same town and get used to being near one another.

I must say, though, that this is the BEST gift I could have ever gotten.

Tonight, we are going to dinner together to celebrate our first, of many, Valentine’s Day together.

To my Valentine, I love you. Thank you for being in my life, AmberWitch. I am blessed beyond words.

You asked..

I think I’ve reached the end of my proverbial rope. I really don’t understand people who laugh while a man is burning. I can’t comprehend people who live in my birth country and claim that THEY are Americans because they support their President and I am NOT because I question the actions and motives of the same government. I can’t get a handle on why I’m a terrorist(or terrorist-lover) because I don’t want to bomb and yet, those who support bombing (or actually want to do it themselves) are not considered terrorists at all.

I’m baffled when I read comments from people I’ve known through their words for years, like these (from only the last 2 days

“..i’m happy to see it blow back on the hater…i wish it had burned him to death!”

“You notice those who oppose the war from this cork cannot give you an intelligent reason for doing so? All they can say is they don’t have to justify it? They can’t give a reason for it because they have no reason.”

“because of my guiltfeelings, having failed my children as a mother, I became the prototypically vulnerable victim of media war propaganda”

“most israelis killed are going about their normal nusiness.. most of the palestinians are taking part in riots or shooting at israelis..some are collateral damage to be sure.. but if you stand in front of a target…..”

“You know.. it wouldn’t be such a bad idea.. Put all the peace-niks on the front line and let the bad guy use up all their ammo…”

If you don’t want my opinion, don’t read my words. If you want to belittle me, know that it tells me MUCH more about you than you will ever learn about me. If you question my questioning this war, then remember that long, long ago that right was given to me under the Constitution of the United States. If you state that I’m hiding behind someone else’s gun, then I question your idea of the world I’ve grown up in.

Most of you only know a bit of me, the little bit that I’ve shown here. Some of you know a bit more but still not all of me. Very, very few people here know the person that I am, the person I have grown to be. I can count those people on one hand.

You ask why I don’t support this war? My reasons are so multi-leveled that it is impossible to explain it fully. I feel that we are bombing in retaliation and I don’t support retaliation or ultimatums. I support diplomacy and understanding. As a nation that can be the bringer of many wonderful things, we bring much despair and imperialism when we say that’s what we fight against. We have done things that are so completely detrimental to fellow humans.

Do I think that our wrongdoings justify buildings being targeted and people being killed? No. But I also don’t believe that bombing the buildings of another country and killing people is justified. I also think that it’s important to look within and ask what our country has done to so many other countries to warrant their need to hurt us. We are not some benevolent who is full of goodness. We have supported people who have been labeled terrorists within their own countries. We have supplied weapons to factions that have done incredible harms to their own people. Nothing has ever been that black and white. It still isn’t.

I don’t want to see more of this:

What are the major problems for the (Afghani) refugees?

• winter is coming very soon: last winter, 150 people died from exposure in one camp alone)
• malnutrition: caused by the drought, poor sanitation and water in the camps – causing deadly diarrhea especially among children – and the long-standing economic crisis. In fact, the UN Food & Agriculture Organization has announced that the majority of Afghans are facing starvation this winter.
• communicable diseases in the refugee camps: malaria, tuberculosis, cholera, leishmaniasis (rodent borne disease), hemorrhagic fever, Gulran disease (rapidly fatal liver disease linked to a common local weed), etc.
• maternal & child health: Infant mortality is about 25% and about 16,000 Afghan women (1700 per 100,000 live births) die every year of causes related to pregnancy
• landmine injuries: as more Afghans flee across a countryside still littered with mines dating back to the Soviet occupation, many refugees will arrive in need of amputation
• mental health: as a result of years of internal conflict and external attacks most Afghans suffer from some form of post traumatic stress disorder

I don’t want to see children starved, homeless, parentless?in ANY country. I don’t want to see people laugh or ridicule others who are different or who believe in different things?whether that is religion, politics, or any other ideology.

We, the US, as a nation, have the ability to bring the world together
instead of tearing it apart. And while you may argue that 90% of the world is behind us, I can assure you that it will not last long. Most of those nations have had war in their backyards many, many times and they will tire of the ongoing battles.

I’ve seen, again and again, the question of “what is the answer, then, if not bombing.” This alarms me. It is a myopic view of the world. We are hit, we hit back. What is the reasoning? Why do we even have to hit back? Why? I know what many will say. They will say that we have to strike back or it will not stop.

What I say to this is that we need to look within, first. We need to make reparations to our own systems. We alleviate the abilities for people to overtake planes, buildings, trains, trucks, etc. We make it harder to get a license, to learn to do these things?or that someone must undergo scrutiny to get a pilots license. They are, afterall, responsible for 100s of people on every flight. We don?t even allow child-care givers to be licensed without fingerprinting. Why would we allow pilots? I think we would have had red-flags right there.

I think we need to assess our intervention and interaction in other countries. We have had virtual carte blanche for quite a while now and have used it without discretion at times. There are reasons people from other countries don’t like us. They often see us as an autocracy. While we don’t see us as that, we have to understand what we’re going into and are we really doing more good than harm.

I believe that diplomatic and financial sanctions are great. Because so much of the world’s economy is shifted by our own, we have a great amount of power there. We can lean without actually killing people or bombing buildings.

It’s not easy stuff. I know this. Occasionally, though, we have to look outside the box. War has never solved anything. Not once. It has stopped things for a short time but then it’s picked up again at another time in another place.

Why don’t we take the time to find a solution? Bombing is a quick fix.

I apologize that I won’t be around to respond. But, to be honest, the reactions and hurtfulness of so many is really getting to me. I am beginning to lose my faith in my fellow mankind.

baring myself to you…

I am in the library, waiting for the arrival of my student. I tutor a young woman of 25, the mother of 2 with a third on the way. She is Mexican, from Durango. She wants to learn to read to her children. I find that noble. It touches me to the core of my being.

—

I have a million voices inside of me screaming to be released. I have stories and thoughts and feelings that scratch at my insides. Where do I start? How do I open the steel-barred doors that hold them within?

I have a poet’s soul and the mind of a scientist. They don’t always mix well. My words tend to be stilted because the logical side of me is holding back. I want to pour my heart out; exclaim the joys and disclaim the atrocities that I witness.

It is fear; I fear failure, of not being good enough.

I want my writings to be accepted, to be well-received. I want to be noticed. I want my wit and charm — my intelligence — to shine through. I want others to be impressed, if even a tiny bit, by me.

My voice is quiet. I’m more like a mouse and I want to be an eagle. I want to soar, to fly and take in the world. I am tired of running to the nearest corner and cowering in the tiniest of cracks.

Sometimes I find bravery. I leap out of the starting gate in great form. Somehow, somewhere, I mis-step, trip, lose my place, and lag behind. I haven’t found the boldness to race ahead proudly with power and grace.

I know some are born with enough self-confidence to always charge forward. I was not that fortunate. I fight for it daily. I ask for help and have learned to lean on others – sometimes too much.

I want to be strong. I want to stand tall, with pride and self-assuredness.

This is me, naked before you, taking a step.

illznah skillznah – narrative

A poem that tells a story in 20 lines or less…. it must have a beginning, a middle and an end, and be self contained… so, just like a short story, but in the form of a rhyme.

A Day

This morning I awoke
to sounds of roosters crowing.
My good mood couldn’t be broke
as my blood started flowing.

The day progressed
with an incident or two.
I let those slide
because the consequences were few.

The sun started to dip
behind the surrounding hills.
I knew that this was the ending
to this day’s fill of thrills.

So back to bed
tucked in tight.
I slipped off to dreamland
and nighty-night.