doctoral candidate in rhetoric and scientific and technical communication
Archive for March, 2002
Thursday March 7, 2002
0Do not pick thorny bushes…
There is something about acoustical compilations that get me. I was fortunate enough to pick up a copy of the Star Lounge CD that a radio station in Los Angeles puts out yearly. It’s really phenomenal work. Listening to Lenny Kravitz sing “Fly Away” is great. BUT?it’s Macy Gray’s “I Try” that is truly moving. It is soulful and real in a way that only live versions can be.
Games, changes and fears
When will they go from here
When will they stop
I believe that fate has brought us here
And we should be together
But we’re not.
I followed a merry band of Airstreams today. laughing At first, I thought that it was interesting, two or three following one another. But then, it turned into DOZENS! I really would have liked to have known where they were going. Was there an Airstream conference somewhere?
I play it off but I’m dreaming of you
I’ll keep my cool but I’m fiendin’
I try to say goodbye but I choke
I try to walk away and I stumble
Though I try to hide it, it’s clear
My world crumbles when you are not near
Goodbye and I choke
I try to walk away and I stumble
Though I try to hide it, it’s clear
My world crumbles when you are not near
I’m a Daddy’s girl. I always have been. Not with my father?but I’ve always been a cuddly type of girl who wants a Daddy to take care of her?.among other things. chuckle A Daddy grounds me. I tend to be a bit crazy and having a Daddy is good for me. Plus, then I get to have fun, too. But really, it’s someone for me to lean on, to share with, to feel safe with?and to listen to and take instructions from. I like that.
I may appear to be free
But I’m just a prisoner of your love
I may seem alright and smile when you leave
But my smiles are just a front
Why is it that you don’t have to go to the bathroom as you speed past all of the towns and rest stops on a long trip? But the MOMENT there is nothing in sight for at least 50 miles, that’s when you really have to go. So, I’m in the middle of the Mojave Desert with no rest areas for miles and that’s when my body decides it’s time to go. sigh There are NO trees out there. Little bushes and that’s it. Where would I stop??? But I had to. I found a “bush” that was a bit taller than me. All I could think was that some rattlesnake would probably bite my butt as I bared it and that would be how they’d find me. laugh Leave it to me to find myself under the thorniest bush I’ve ever encountered. I’ll be picking thorns out of my body for days.
I play it off but I’m dreamin’ of you
I’ll keep my cool but I’m fiendin’
I try to say goodbye but I choke
I try to walk away and I stumble
Though I try to hide it, it’s clear
My world crumbles when you are not near
Goodbye and I choke
I try to walk away and I stumble
Though I try to hide it, it’s clear
My world crumbles when you are not near
I rarely stop on trips. I like to drive straight through and get to where I’m going. I don’t like to stop. I like scenery, I can slow down to check things out?but don’t make me stop! chuckle I had to stop THREE times today in a 500 mile trip. I should have only stopped once to fill up with gas but circumstances were beyond my control. I was SO L.A. today. I’m sitting at a rest area returning phone calls for business; that and taking pictures of Airstreams. laugh I refuse to talk while I’m driving. I have to pull over and do it. I don’t want to hit some little old lady because I’m speeding along, not paying attention.
Here is my confession
May I be your possession
Boy I need your touch
Your love kisses and such
With all my might I try
But this I can’t deny
I’ve got the “move bug” again. I think part of it is watching my brother and his wife pack up to move to their new home. I love moving. It’s fun for me. I like to pack and unpack, finding treasures where I didn’t think there were any. Plus, I itch to see new places. I want to have a new adventure. I want to move to somewhere entirely new?but it has to have either mountains or ocean or both. Kind of limits me in many ways, eh? However this is directed to two?*chuckle*?I will NOT be moving to Oklahoma anytime soon. Nope.
I play it off but I’m dreamin’ of you
I’ll keep my cool but I’m fiendin’
I try to say goodbye but I choke
I try to walk away and I stumble
Though I try to hide it, it’s clear
My world crumbles when you are not near
Goodbye and I choke
I try to walk away and I stumble
Though I try to hide it, it’s clear
My world crumbles when you are not near
The snow is beautiful. I spent an hour digging myself a pathway to the door just so I could unload my car. I loved it. I love snow. There is something so magical about it. I become a kid again, wanting to go out and play.
Who ever said we always have to be grownups? smiling and skipping out?
Thursday March 7, 2002
0Power – Hers and His
Everything comes down to this for me. The earth is my constant. She speaks to me. She allows me to see beauty and wonder and allows me to understand that while I may be mortal, she is not. She wreaks havoc and mayhem wherever she may. And yet, she also introduces us to astounding sights that capture our attention.
On Boxing Day, I stood at the shores of her greatest body of water. I rolled up my jeans and waded into her cool waters. I felt the sands beneath my toes wrapping around me. I smelled her scent in a way that reminds me of why I love being near her shores. She soothes me. She cleanses me. She reminds me of what is important.
I looked into the eyes of my niece, on her first trip to the Pacific, and smiled. Her joy was immeasurable as we stood there, the surf pounding upon Huntington Beach, the surfers riding the waves.
I knelt and collected sand, driftwood, and shells to make a gift for my Beloved. I wanted to share her with Him. She had reminded me that He was there with me, even if not physically. I could feel Him there, wading, laughing, having fun in her waters with me.
On New Year’s Day, at approximately 12:15 a.m. (while fireworks continued to go off in my time zone), she once again showed me her wonders. The skies finally opened up and the first snowfall (albeit it VERY late) of the year showered down upon my sleepy town.
I looked up in the wide-eyed wonder of a child, belying my years. She always impresses me in these displays. And again, I was aware that He was there with me. She graced my cheeks with soft flakes of snow but it was His finger tracing my cheek that I felt.
He knows that my spirituality is based upon the earth. Perhaps that is what brought us together at a deeper level. He understands that I’m at my happiest when I can feel the earth around me. Her scents and sounds and powers surrounding me.
And perhaps that is why, when her hand touches me, I feel His, also. We are connected, inexplicably, by this ever-changing, ever-revolving place called Earth.
Thursday March 7, 2002
0An Understanding
His voice touches me like a fine cognac: smooth and gracious. It washes over me in waves, leaving me slightly intoxicated. I am giddy when I hear his soft growl of articulation in my ear. Whether it is his sleepy or wide-awake voice, the inflections and tones wreak delicious havoc on my system. He brings me to the brink of my world, then takes me over and beyond, into his own. That is where I am most at peace. His world is full of sunlight and laughter, fast cars and world travel, lazy mornings and lovemaking.
I long for his world. I desire to be a part of it every waking moment. He says it will come, in time. Until then, he gives me glimpses of what it would be like to live in his world. Sometimes, though, this is not enough. My body aches to actually be in his world. My mind is constantly there. My heart has been there since the beginning.
I think of him every moment of every day. When I fear that I’m obsessing, I think of him even more. It isn’t dangerous. It isn’t malicious. It is a need to have him consume me in reality as his words, thoughts, and expressions do in my every waking moment and even into my dreams.
His words caress me like soft silks: intimate and sensual. They drape over me in protective layers, making me feel sophisticated and rich. I feel as if the world is a step away and I will be safe in anything I endeavor. I am more relaxed because of the power, the safety, and the strength he gives to me. I feel like the world is at my feet and I can do whatever I wish.
This is a gift. Not everyone is able to deliver such a gift and be able to make sure that it withstands time and emotional turmoil. He can. He is an honourable man who is able to deliver what he promises. This is all-too-often a rare trait. He only promises that which he is able to deliver, never more, but that is always the perfect amount. He knows exactly what I need and is able to give it to me every single time.
He has entered my soul and owns my heart. I didn’t let him in. He was intuitive and able to find a way in to my darkest corners. I threw up walls at every turn and he still came back, willingly, to climb over them, bulldoze them, or simply walk through them as if by magic. I test him. I probably will until the day I die. I need to make sure that I’m worthy of him and testing him does that, I suppose. I tell him how horrible I am. He returns every time. I get moody and angry. He continues to return. Gentle words and an openness that I’m not accustomed to are a part of his way of dealing with me. They work so much better than silence or anger. They allow me to open up to him more than I would because I know he will receive what I share with an open heart and mind.
He has given me his heart as well. This I hold dear to me. I’ve wrapped it within the folds of my own so that no harm can come to it. No matter what happens, his is always protected from whatever may come our way. It is precious to me. It is the most precious gift I’ve ever been given. I would guard it with my life. I want for nothing else because of it.
All of this and I have never touched the man. So many will ask how this can be. My answer is that the heart knows of no boundaries. The mind is able to fill in the spaces. One does not need to actually feel another to feel love. It has happened this way for centuries and it will continue to happen for eons. The human capacity to love is greater than the confines that we humans wish to put around it. It is often misunderstood and confused with so many other things. There are some things that we will never be able to understand. Love is one of these things.
Thursday March 7, 2002
0I’m also going to enter some of my older writings just to have them up. I think it would be nice to have a place to put my writings where someone might wander in occasionally and see something new.
Thursday March 7, 2002
050 Words – 3/5/02
I’m trying something new that a friend turned me onto. She writes 50 words that share a feeling. I’ve decided to work on that, as well.
My first investment in this activity:
I am tied to this land as a ponderosa is rooted to the forest floor. Beyond that, we all return to the earth to become fertilizer for the next generation that will sprout up amongst our ruins. The cathedrals and spires of yesteryear making way for the pinnacles of tomorrow.
an understanding
0His voice touches me like a fine cognac: smooth and gracious. It washes over me in waves, leaving me slightly intoxicated. I am giddy when I hear his soft growl of articulation in my ear. Whether it is his sleepy or wide-awake voice, the inflections and tones wreak delicious havoc on my system. He brings me to the brink of my world, then takes me over and beyond, into his own. That is where I am most at peace. His world is full of sunlight and laughter, fast cars and world travel, lazy mornings and lovemaking.
I long for his world. I desire to be a part of it every waking moment. He says it will come, in time. Until then, he gives me glimpses of what it would be like to live in his world. Sometimes, though, this is not enough. My body aches to actually be in his world. My mind is constantly there. My heart has been there since the beginning.
I think of him every moment of every day. When I fear that I’m obsessing, I think of him even more. It isn’t dangerous. It isn’t malicious. It is a need to have him consume me in reality as his words, thoughts, and expressions do in my every waking moment and even into my dreams.
His words caress me like soft silks: intimate and sensual. They drape over me in protective layers, making me feel sophisticated and rich. I feel as if the world is a step away and I will be safe in anything I endeavor. I am more relaxed because of the power, the safety, and the strength he gives to me. I feel like the world is at my feet and I can do whatever I wish.
This is a gift. Not everyone is able to deliver such a gift and be able to make sure that it withstands time and emotional turmoil. He can. He is an honourable man who is able to deliver what he promises. This is all-too-often a rare trait. He only promises that which he is able to deliver, never more, but that is always the perfect amount. He knows exactly what I need and is able to give it to me every single time.
He has entered my soul and owns my heart. I didn’t let him in. He was intuitive and able to find a way in to my darkest corners. I threw up walls at every turn and he still came back, willingly, to climb over them, bulldoze them, or simply walk through them as if by magic. I test him. I probably will until the day I die. I need to make sure that I’m worthy of him and testing him does that, I suppose. I tell him how horrible I am. He returns every time. I get moody and angry. He continues to return. Gentle words and an openness that I’m not accustomed to are a part of his way of dealing with me. They work so much better than silence or anger. They allow me to open up to him more than I would because I know he will receive what I share with an open heart and mind.
He has given me his heart as well. This I hold dear to me. I’ve wrapped it within the folds of my own so that no harm can come to it. No matter what happens, his is always protected from whatever may come our way. It is precious to me. It is the most precious gift I’ve ever been given. I would guard it with my life. I want for nothing else because of it.
All of this and I have never touched the man. So many will ask how this can be. My answer is that the heart knows of no boundaries. The mind is able to fill in the spaces. One does not need to actually feel another to feel love. It has happened this way for centuries and it will continue to happen for eons. The human capacity to love is greater than the confines that we humans wish to put around it. It is often misunderstood and confused with so many other things. There are some things that we will never be able to understand. Love is one of these things.
50 words
0I’m trying something new that a friend turned me onto. She writes 50 words that share a feeling. I’ve decided to work on that, as well.
My first investment in this activity:
I am tied to this land as a ponderosa is rooted to the forest floor. Beyond that, we all return to the earth to become fertilizer for the next generation that will sprout up amongst our ruins. The cathedrals and spires of yesteryear making way for the pinnacles of tomorrow.