Archive for April, 2002
sanctuary
Apr 30th
I am often anti-social. I don’t like people much. They gossip, they dig, they make snide remarks, they hurt. I don’t understand people all that well. They confuse me.
I have made a sanctuary of my home. I go there to get away from the rest of the world. I don’t really have many visitors because it is an intrusion into my coccoon of safety.
When I want to be around people, I go to them. I prefer that.
This is hard on a relationship. Warren has said that he is not comfortable in my home…that it does not feel open to him. And it’s true…it’s not. It’s open to me. Granted, it’s a TINY house…it’s very small (less than 500 square feet)…but it could accommodate 2 people if I allowed it to. I don’t.
We meet on neutral ground, always out and away from home. We go to restaurants, movies, plays, concerts…but not at my house.
It is my place to escape when the world around me gets too mean.
I figure, eventually, I’ll feel good enough to share it with him. Really, though, it’s about safety…about having a place to go when everything else gets really bad.
—
An afterthought: This should have told me about the relationship. I didn’t feel safe having him in my house. Hmmm….hindsight, you know?
i dream
Apr 28th
Everyday it is a different dream…
or maybe it is the same, only different colors.
My voice becomes louder,
my presence a bit more bold,
my words capture audiences.
I dream in technicolor
and Dolby Surround Sound.
I dream in vivid greens, purples, and reds.
I dream of lushness and passions,
roads not yet traveled,
experiences not yet had.
I dream of people who add contours to life
and context that adds life to people.
I dream.
Everyday, I dream.
quote of the day
Apr 27th
There can be no such thing, in law or in morality, as actions forbidden to an individual, but permitted to a mob. – Ayn Rand
shampoo
Apr 27th
My shampoo states this unequivocally:
“Congratulations! You are perfectly normal!”
It doesn’t state that my HAIR is perfectly normal. It says that I am. How do they know? I mean…what is normal, anyway?
http://www.webster.com defines normal as these things:
Main Entry: 1nor·mal
Pronunciation: 'nor-m&l
Function: adjective
Etymology: Latin normalis, from norma
Date: circa 1696
1 : PERPENDICULAR; especially : perpendicular to a tangent at a point of tangency
2 a : according with, constituting, or not deviating from a norm, rule, or principle b : conforming to a type, standard, or regular pattern
3 : occurring naturally <normal immunity>
4 a : of, relating to, or characterized by average intelligence or development b : free from mental disorder : SANE
5 a of a solution : having a concentration of one gram equivalent of solute per liter b : containing neither basic hydroxyl nor acid hydrogen <normal silver phosphate> c : not associated <normal molecules> d : having a straight-chain structure <normal pentane> <normal butyl alcohol>
6 of a subgroup : having the property that every coset produced by operating on the left by a given element is equal to the coset produced by operating on the right by the same element
7 : relating to, involving, or being a normal curve or normal distribution <normal approximation to the binomial distribution>
8 of a matrix : having the property of commutativity under multiplication by the transpose of the matrix each of whose elements is a conjugate complex number with respect to the corresponding element of the given matrix
synonym see REGULAR
- nor·mal·i·ty /nor-'ma-l&-tE/ noun
- nor·mal·ly /'nor-m&-lE/ adverb
My goodness…so, am I perpendicular to a tangent, not deviated (heh!), average, etc., etc., etc.???
My mother has said that I’m eccentric.
Main Entry: 1ec·cen·tric
Pronunciation: ik-'sen-trik, ek-
Function: adjective
Etymology: Middle English, from Medieval Latin eccentricus, from Greek ekkentros, from ex out of + kentron center
Date: circa 1630
1 a : deviating from an established or usual pattern or style b : deviating from conventional or accepted usage or conduct especially in odd or whimsical ways
2 a : deviating from a circular path; especially : ELLIPTICAL 1 eccentric orbit> b : located elsewhere than at the geometrical center; also : having the axis or support so located eccentric wheel>
synonym see STRANGE
- ec·cen·tri·cal·ly /-tri-k(&lE/ adverb
Ok…so, now I’m confused. Which is it? Why do I have to be labeled? Why can’t I just be ME? What is wrong with being ME, anyway?
I admit it. I’m different. I cherish that difference. I like that I’m not exactly the same as everyone else. Then again, who is? I’m sure, dear reader, that you’re saying the same thing. I’m different, too. I’m not the same as everyone else.
Life is confusing enough without labels. We label food (organic, genetically-altered, The Real Thing, The Choice of a New Generation). We label ourselves through cars. Drive a Porsche and you’ll be popular beyond your dreams. Drive a Yugo and you’ll be lucky if anyone notices you. We define our skin with colors that don’t even really match our skin colors: red, yellow, black, white. My eyes aren’t REALLY blue…they are a mix-match of all kinds of different colors that look blue in certain light and greyish in others and, yet, again, somewhat green in others. Does that make them hazel? What color is hazel, anyway??? I don’t wear designer clothes, don’t put on that model-perfect makeup (don’t wear any at all, thank you very much), don’t have the town’s top stylist do my hair (what’s wrong with going out with it wet? Who is it bothering???).
My shampoo says that I’m perfectly normal.
Should I be excited about that?
quote of the day
Apr 26th
It is not enough to fight for the West; it is even more important to enjoy it. While you can. While it’s still here. So get out there and hunt and fish and mess around with your friends, ramble out yonder and explore the forests, encounter the grizz, climb the mountains, bag the peaks, run the rivers, breathe deep of that sweet yet lucid air, sit quietly for a while and contemplate the precious stillness, that lovely, mysterious and awesome space. Enjoy yourselves, keep the brain in your head firmly attached to the body, the body active and alive, and I promise you this much; I promise you this one sweet victory over our enemies, over those deskbound men with their hearts in a safe deposit box and their eyes hypnotized by desk calculators. I promise you this: You will outlive the bastards.” ~ Edward Abbey
celeb quotes
Apr 24th
And for fun…some are hilarious, some are crass. You be the judge.
Celeb Sayings
“Women might be able to fake orgasms. But men can fake whole
relationships.”– Sharon Stone
“My girlfriend always laughs during sex—no matter what she’s reading.”– Steve Jobs (Founder: Apple Computers)
“I saw a heavy woman wearing a sweatshirt with “Guess” on it. I said, “Thyroid problem?”– Arnold Schwarzenegger
“Hockey is a sport for white men. Basketball is a sport for black men. Golf is a sport for white men dressed like black pimps.”– Tiger Woods
“My mother never saw the irony in calling me a son-of-a-bitch.”–
Jack Nicholson
“Clinton lied. A man might forget where he parks or where he lives, but he never forgets oral sex, no matter how bad it is.”- Barbara Bush (Former US First Lady, and you didn’t think Barbara had a sense of humor)
“Ah, yes “divorce” from the Latin word meaning to rip out a man’s genitals through his wallet.”– Robin Williams
“Women complain about premenstrual syndrome, but I think of it as the only time of the month that I can be myself.”– Roseanne
“Women need a reason to have sex. Men just need a place.”–
Billy Crystal
“According to a new survey, women say they feel more comfortable undressing in front of men than they do undressing in front of other women. They say that women are too judgmental, where, of course, men are just grateful.”– Robert de Niro
“There’s a new medical crisis. Doctors are reporting that many men are having allergic reactions to latex condoms. They say they cause severe swelling. So what’s the problem?”– Dustin Hoffman
“There’s very little advice in men’s magazines, because men think, I know what I’m doing. Just show me somebody naked.”– Jerry Seinfeld
“Instead of getting married again, I’m going to find a woman I don’t like and just give her a house.”– Rod Stewart
“See, the problem is that God gives men a brain and a penis, and only enough blood to run one at a time.”– Robin Williams
communities
Apr 24th
I frequent two other spots on the web. They give me a lot of fodder for cool websites to visit as well as an interesting perspective into all things from politics to sex to animals.
One site is definitely an “adults-only” site. It’s a chat site that I’ve been visiting for about 7 years. The State of Insanity is exactly that…insane. It has, recently, been overrun by an inordinant amount of “anonymous” posters. It is rather amusing to watch normally controlled, self-possessed adults completely freak out at the “anonymous” posters who push every button they can to get a rise out of other posters. It has turned into some sort of witch hunt to “out” the anons. I think, however, that if people really knew who the anonymous posters were, they would rethink their entire online experience. From watching word and writing patterns, I can usually discern who the anons are…and they are the people we say we love the most.
It’s strange how some people can do the most reprehensible things under an anonymous handle that they would *never* do under a recognizable handle. On the other hand, it’s interesting to note how others allow people to really get under their skin and affect their entire day, week, or year.
—
The other site, Ask It Here, is somewhat different. It has undergone some major changes in the time I’ve been frequenting it (about 6 months). It is, overall, a question and answer site that allows people of all ages to come in and post questions and receive answers. You earn “a-bucks” for answering questions. That makes it a lot of fun.
It is an interesting site that, until recently, was much more popular. I think, I hope, it will get there again soon.
—
I read this thing by Don Miguel Ruiz that I found absolutely fascinating. I hope you will, as well.
From The Four Agreements by Don Miguel Ruiz
Toltec Wisdom
The Four Agreements are:
Be Impeccable with your word
Speak with integrity. Say only what you mean. Avoid using the word to speak against yourself or to gossip about others. Use the power of your word in the direction of truth and love.
Don’t take anything personally
Nothing others do is because of you. What others say and do is a projection of their own reality, their own dream. When you are immune to the opinions and actions of others, you won’t be the victim of needless suffering.
Don’t make assumptions
Find the courage to ask questions and to express what you really want. Communicate with others as clearly as you can to avoid misunderstandings, sadness, and drama. With just this one agreement, you can completely transform your life.
Always do your best
Your best is going to change from moment to moment; it will be different when you are healthy as opposed to sick. Under any circumstance, simply do your best, and you will avoid self-judgement, self-abuse, and regret.
—
I feel closeted, bound, locked down. I feel like I need to do something or burst.
Now I just need to figure out what it is that I’m supposed to be doing.
quote of the day
Apr 23rd
Force and mind are opposites; morality ends where the gun begins. – Ayn Rand
