Archive for May, 2002

I am not the type of person who watches the scale. I never have been. Some might say it’s obvious, now that I’m overweight, that I may not care enough about myself to watch a scale. I feel, however, that I will not allow my life to be ruled by what society may deem is normal.

Let me tell you a story.

I haven’t always been heavy. In fact, at 5′10″, I have, for the majority of my life, been on the very skinny side. I weighed in at 125 pounds when I was 25. That’s too thin for my build. I looked svelte, sure. I could have modeled with a body like that (if I had the classic beauty that is required for that sort of thing). I was athletic, active, and young.

I was also in pain. I was told, often, that I was fat. I was told that I didn’t wear tight enough clothes. I was told that I needed to lose weight.

Wait a minute. I was 5′10″ and 125 pounds. I was fat??? I am not a petite woman. I never will be. I’m about 8 inches too tall to be considered petite and I will NEVER weight under 140 pounds again. It’s not healthy for me.

I’ve read that ridiculing overweight people (women, mostly) is the last frontier of society-condoned abuse. It’s ok to laugh at that woman who is struggling to get into clothes that are made for women who look like children. It’s ok to say that she needs to eat less because we all know that it’s only food that makes people fat. *snort* It’s ok to say that you would never love, sleep with, have a relationship with a heavy woman…but have you looked at yourself lately??? You ain’t no prize, either, honey.

I probably would have never thought about losing weight if I hadn’t been to my doctor. I was comfortable. I was happy in my own skin. I didn’t think of myself as fat but as a woman who has curves, hips, and breasts. I’m a woman. We have those things, you know. My partner, bless his heart, has told me that I’m beautiful in all of my shapes and forms. He loved me at my largest and he is loving me now, as I shrink in size. When I weigh less than he does, I’m thinking he will still love me.

I am born, however, with several genes that make it horrible for me to be even a little overweight. I have the gene that gives me high cholesterol. If I am slightly overweight, my chances for heart attack or system shutdowns increase. I have asthma that is affected by my weight. The heavier I am, the worse it is. It had gotten to the point of where I was feeling like I was suffocating everytime I laid down to go to bed.

My doctor, thank goodness for her, did not want to put me on medications that I would have to spend a lifetime taking. She wanted to try weight loss first and see if that helped my health problems.

It has worked. It has helped me and it will continue to get better as I lose weight.

I know some of you are thinking that I may talk about my weight more than I need to and that I dwell on it. I’ll tell you, though, that I’m disappointed in how we treat one another…especially if that person is overweight. It seems that society has lost compassion and treats people with obesity as pariahs. You know that chicken sandwich you got at Wendy’s yesterday? You know how much you enjoyed it? I enjoy them, too. It’s just that my body doesn’t break them down as quickly or as efficiently as yours so it’s bad for me to eat it. I can’t eat jumbo sized anything because my body doesn’t know how to deal with it likes yours may. I don’t eat a lot of food. In fact, I may eat less than you do on any given day.

There are many other reasons, than just eating a lot of food, that makes someone overweight.

Have some compassion. Be a bit more understanding. None of is, thankfully, perfect. We are all perfect in our imperfections.

Peace.

Yesterday a newsletter was passed around my department. In it, there were hints on how to “write with pizzazz” (no passive sentences, no abstract sentences, personalize, and so much more), how to deal with aggressive callers (politely stick to your guns (heh!), intercept unwanted callers tactfully, and establish clear guidelines with your boss), and how well we manage stress.

That one got me. I took the quiz. I know I’m a complete stress-aholic. I let little things get to me.

For instance, my supervisor is on vacation for two weeks and will be back next week. For the last week, one of the women in the department (we’re HR) has taken it upon herself to be the acting director (my boss is the HR Director). She is actually, hierarchically, lower than I am but she seems to act like she’s the boss when he’s gone. She takes 2 or 3 hour lunches, leaves early, comes in late, and stands around the halls talking (LOUDLY) while he’s away. Yesterday was the final straw. She came into my office and said, “Since you were sick last week, I need to sign off on your absence.” I looked at her with incredulous passivity (all that I could muster). I told her I would wait until my supervisor returned to sign my leave form. She walked out and I sat there wondering where some people get the cajones to do what they do.

I’ve stressed about it, though. Why would I do that? I mean…I know she’s like that. I know she twists things to make herself look better. I know she spends most of her time at work acting like a party-planner rather than an HR analyst (which is a fancy term to say that she handles the benefits – sometimes…when she feels like it…more often she tells employees that they can call and sort things out themselves because they’ll get the same answers she’d get anyway) that she is labeled. I know that I will be irritated by her just because of the different kinds of people we are and how we look at work.

I know all of this. And yet I stress over it. I let it get under my skin. I dwell on it and allow it to bother me to the point of where I want to scream and yell.

*taking a deep breath* Anyway, this article clearly stated that I “may find getting through days of unexpected problems or deadlines very challenging.” Ok…I’m really good with deadlines. I like that kind of pressure. It’s PEOPLE that I can’t handle. I don’t like most people. They IRK me. It also said that I “may feel “it’s a jungle out there” and have trouble letting go of the day’s problems when you get home.” Well, duh…I think I’ve already said that I have these issues.

So, this article gave some interesting advice.

• Focus on what you can control. (Oh…THAT’S what I’m supposed to do? I thought I COULD control the rest of the world. *snort*)
• Don’t invest major energy in minor problems. (Well, ok…this one I can actually work on…I do tend to do that.)
• Tackle major stressors head on. (My passive-aggressive mannerisms won’t work for these situations???)
• Ask for help. (Ok…I’ll make sure to ask Devil-woman for help…that will be rich and give her all the more to GLOAT over.)
• Write it down. (And here I am…writing it down. )

So…I feel so much better now. Don’t you?

I needed an exercise in futility and silliness, so I did one of those “quizzes.”

See which Greek Goddess you are.

When I was a young girl, the Nancy Drew novels opened up a whole new world of adventure for me that I will never forget. I loved that series of books and couldn’t wait to save enough to buy the next book in the series. I will always be grateful to this author for bringing me to a love of reading and an enthusiasm for adventure.

Mildred Wirt Benson (aka Carolyn Keene) died at the age of 96 after becoming ill at work Tuesday afternoon.

Well, thanks to all of you who sent encouragement for my meeting on Thursday night. I ended up breaking the plateau I’ve been on and lost 2.8 pounds. However, Memorial Day weekend probably will not help me out in any way. ;-)

I went to Lake Powell with my family (Mom, Dad, brother, sister-in-law, niece, boyfriend). It was a lot of fun. We took the boat out and found a nice beach to park ourselves, set up the tents and all of the other camp amenities and settled in for a nice weekend.

It was absolutely wonderful. I think we all needed to get away and spend some time relaxing.

Because the lake is 60 feet lower this year, there were islands that we had never seen before. Our beach had remnants of freshwater clams and lake bottom rocks that were really cool.

I always love going out on the wave runner and hitting the wakes of the boats going by, trying to catch some air. I like to cruise around in the boat, enjoying the beautiful scenery. I like taking afternoon naps in the warm outdoors.

It was a lovely weekend.I hope yours was, as well!

Oh, yeah…did I mention that I think I need a vacation to recoup??? :-P

Tonight is my weekly weigh-in at Weight Watchers. I look forward to Thursdays because I get to see what kind of progress I’m making towards my ultimate goal of healthy living.

It seems, though, that my co-workers always choose Thursdays to have some kind of brunch, bring in donuts, or something to do with food. I’m a food addict. I truly think I am. If it’s in front of me, I have a hard time saying no. I want to taste it. I love food…I love the textures and tastes.

I pack my own lunches, make my own breakfasts, and try to watch what I eat carefully because I know that I haven’t much willpower when it comes to food.

Today is someone’s birthday so we are taking her out for a brunch. She chose the place to go…thank goodness it’s a local restaurant that is mostly vegetarian (and those of you who know my town know that this town if FULL of granola restaurants like this ;-) )and I can choose foods that will help me more than hurt me.

It’s funny…the more I watch what I eat, the more I notice that even salads can be dangerous foods (those “grilled” meats, lowfat dressings, bread crumbs, and more can be very, very high in calories) to eat while out. A breakfast quesadilla at Carl’s Jr. is lower in points than a breakfast croissant at Burger King…much lower.

My life has become about numbers…points, grams, pounds, amounts. I need that structure, though. I need to control myself in that way to be more healthy. I’m halfway to my goal. I don’t always work as hard as I should nor do I slack off as much as I sometimes want to.

I know that this will help lower my cholesterol and make my asthma affect me less. I know that I will probably live a longer and happier life because of what I’m doing now.

I wish I had the metabolism and weight I had at 25 when I was really thin. I don’t. 10 years has added a lot to me…not only in weight. But I know that I have to take responsibility and give myself my life.

That, in the end, is what it’s all about…me, life, and living.

I probably won’t be around until Monday or Tuesday. We’re heading up to Lake Powell for a fun weekend of boating. You all play safe out there and have a great weekend!

I did my civic duty last night.  I worked at my local elections.  I do that everytime there is an election so it’s really not news.  I do, however, love to do it.  I feel like I’m working for democracy, making things happen, watching politics and the basis of our country at work.

I’ve done everything from copying returns for the media to tallying early votes to inspecting ballots for hanging chads (thank you, Florida, for that extra bit of work!!!)

I couldn’t vote in last night’s election.  I live in the county and it was only for the city.  The city elections affect me because I shop there, I work there, I go to the doctor, eat at restaurants, and spend time in their parks.  But I live in the county, just over a little hill from being on the city sewer system (I have a septic tank), city water (we are on some local weird water system), and being able to vote in city elections.

I work the elections anyway.  I get a free dinner (heh…I didn’t say I was totally philanthropic!), $75, and the interesting company of old friends and new.

I did my civic duty last night.