doctoral candidate in rhetoric and scientific and technical communication
Archive for May, 2002
Wednesday May 8, 2002
4In the western United States, water is power. Water is politics. Water is life. We are constantly worried about our levels of water, where our water is going, who is using more than we are and why they are allotted more water. Along the Colorado River, there are so many agreements and treaties that the disputes over water rights are often in court.
Much of the American West is desert. We have high mountains, snow covered peaks, oceans, lakes, and ponds. But we are still in the midst of deserts. Desert doesn’t mean that you’re filled with cactus or sparse land that grows little of what most people would call lush vegetation. Desert means that you get very little rainfall in a year. It means that you must find your water by alternative methods.
I remember a few years ago when it started pouring rain in Los Angeles. Los Angeles, and the surrounding communities (something like 35 million people) had been under severe drought warnings and water restrictions for 3-5 years. All of a sudden, it starts raining. The people there, silly people that they are, decided that because it was raining, the drought was over. They could use water as they wished once again. What scientists and meteorologists scrambled to publicize is that although they got rain (for all of 2 weeks out of the year), the drought was not over. The water supplies had not been replenished and there was still a problem. Angelinos did not listen.
The Gulf of California (Baja), where it meets the Colorado, has nearly dried up. It is a wasteland of what it used to be. Life used to be in abundance as the great Colorado River emptied into the Gulf. There are now wide expanses of beachfront property without water because the water is recessing further and further into the Gulf. The Colorado is barely a trickle on good days now.
We have farmers fighting casinos, cities fighting cities, states fighting states over water rights. We push water by canal over great distances to be able to water pristine lawns where none should exist. We regulate water, deciding who is more worthy, who gets more because of the money and power they can produce.
My town, which sits at 7000 feet, on top of the mountains, is in the desert. We are surrounded by beautiful, lush ponderosa pine forests. We have lakes. We get snow. Our aquifer is so deep that we have to drill between 1200-1500 feet to hit water in most areas.
My town, which is beautiful by most accounts, is on water restrictions beginning on Friday. This town, which up until 10 years ago was small by any account and has outgrown itself with the sudden influx of new residents from neighboring states, has not taught its inhabitants to conserve water in a meaningful way. We cannot keep washing our cars in the streets, watering whenever we want, growing lawns that probably shouldn’t be there, letting faucets drip without fixing them.
This is an emerency. We must understand that water is precious. It is always precious…not just when the snow hasn’t come, the rains haven’t fallen, and the water levels in our resevoirs are at all-time lows. It is always precious.
We are in a state of emergency. We need to take action now.
insanity
0I think there is a conspiracy at work. Really. I’m not just being paranoid. People are out to get me.
Ok…not out to *get* me, per se. But they are trying to get me. *laugh*
I’ve talked about being anti-social. It’s a part of who I am. My therapist forces me to get out into situations just to be around people. Blech. Why?
So, my boss, whom I really like, must have an “in” with my therapist. In the past month, he has volunteered me to go before the Governing Board to give a report. Now, I’m in charge of the Employee picnic this summer. That means that I need to work with a committee (chair it), talk to people, solve problems, avoid problems, etc.
I’m a GEEK GIRL, dang it!!! I’m happiest in front of my computer working out BUGS…not having to AVOID bugs outside with other employees. Ok…that’s a bit of a stretch. I’m fortunate enough to live in a place that is full of natural beauty and I’m a bit of a granola and love the outdoors. It’s a dichotomy…I’m a geek girl by weekdays and a granola girl by weekends. Heh.
Anyway, back to the rant… I’m being *thrust* into dealing with people who are arguing over the merits of having beer at a BBQ, whether we should invite all of the campuses or only our main campus, and whether we should hire face-painters for the kids. The insanity of it all. If it were up to me, I’d say bring your own food and eat with us. Heh. That doesn’t fly, though. They aren’t going for it.
Ok…maybe I’m done with this rant. I can’t keep it up. Gwen Stephani just came on the radio singing “I’m just a girl” and I can’t be serious when she’s singing a song I want to get up and dance to…
I’m going back to playing in front of my computer and be-bopping in my chair as people stare at me through my office window wondering what kind of a freak I am.
If only they knew…
Tuesday May 7, 2002
7I think there is a conspiracy at work. Really. I’m not just being paranoid. People are out to get me.
Ok…not out to *get* me, per se. But they are trying to get me. *laugh*
I’ve talked about being anti-social. It’s a part of who I am. My therapist forces me to get out into situations just to be around people. Blech. Why?
So, my boss, whom I really like, must have an “in” with my therapist. In the past month, he has volunteered me to go before the Governing Board to give a report. Now, I’m in charge of the Employee picnic this summer. That means that I need to work with a committee (chair it), talk to people, solve problems, avoid problems, etc.
I’m a GEEK GIRL, dang it!!! I’m happiest in front of my computer working out BUGS…not having to AVOID bugs outside with other employees. Ok…that’s a bit of a stretch. I’m fortunate enough to live in a place that is full of natural beauty and I’m a bit of a granola and love the outdoors. It’s a dichotomy…I’m a geek girl by weekdays and a granola girl by weekends. Heh.
Anyway, back to the rant… ;-) I’m being *thrust* into dealing with people who are arguing over the merits of having beer at a BBQ, whether we should invite all of the campuses or only our main campus, and whether we should hire face-painters for the kids. The insanity of it all. If it were up to me, I’d say bring your own food and eat with us. Heh. That doesn’t fly, though. They aren’t going for it.
Ok…maybe I’m done with this rant. I can’t keep it up. Gwen Stephani just came on the radio singing “I’m just a girl” and I can’t be serious when she’s singing a song I want to get up and dance to…
I’m going back to playing in front of my computer and be-bopping in my chair as people stare at me through my office window wondering what kind of a freak I am.
If only they knew…
Monday May 6, 2002
4Now that I’m done ranting… ;-) I thought I’d share something that I love.
There were always in me, two women at least, one woman desperate and bewildered, who felt she was drowning and another who would leap into a scene, as upon a stage, conceal her true emotions because they were weaknesses, helplessness, despair, and present to the world only a smile, an eagerness, curiosity, enthusiasm, interest. ~ Anais Nin – Introduction to The Diary of Anais Nin, 1931-1934
***
To those of you who commented on being “damaged goods,” I appreciate your words. I think I feel less and less damaged as time goes by. I feel more wholey human precisely *because* I have experiences that have changed me and because I have grown due to those experiences. I look at myself as being more two-dimensional before. Now, I’m becoming more well-rounded, tolerant, and accepting of myself and others. It has allowed me tremendous growth. I feel like one of those fast-growing trees that sprouts several feet in one year. Spirtitually and emotionally, I have grown a lot in one year. I hope to do more in the year to come.
As for my co-worker, I don’t think she realized what she was doing or what she was saying. She’s a little old lady who is, usually, very kind and docile. Or, then again, maybe I’m making excuses. I think part of the problem is that I haven’t set boundaries before. I’m doing that now and it throws people off.
Thank you so much. Your words have meant a great deal to me. *hugs*
negativity
0I’m way too irritated to be at work today. I know I shouldn’t read my work e-mail from home but there is this stupid thing called RESPONSIBILITY that nags me if I don’t. What if I could have helped avoid a situation? What if I could have helped out just a little more?
I really hate opening e-mail from this one person who always has negative things to say. She is never nice in her e-mails. She’s always accusatory. I’m drawn to them, though. I can’t help but open them (even with dread) the moment I see them.
I opened one on Friday. Ok, I opened 4 of them. *sigh* I shouldn’t have. I was in tears that night. I’ve been full of angst most of the weekend, not wanting to come back to work because I’d have to deal with her crap.
What’s even worse is that I get into work an average of 2-3 hours before the rest of the employees. I get a lot more done at 6 a.m. than I do when people are actually here. So, now I’ve been sitting here for over an hour fretting until my boss gets in and I can talk to him about this situation.
I hate this.
***
An addendum:
My boss was totally cool about the issue. He said that it may need to go to the next higher level because this woman has systematically berated, over 2 years, the people in my department. My boss is worried about losing us because of her (he wouldn’t because we all love what we do but she does make it difficult).
I’m relieved. Whew!
Monday May 6, 2002
1I’m way too irritated to be at work today. I know I shouldn’t read my work e-mail from home but there is this stupid thing called RESPONSIBILITY that nags me if I don’t. What if I could have helped avoid a situation? What if I could have helped out just a little more?
I really hate opening e-mail from this one person who always has negative things to say. She is never nice in her e-mails. She’s always accusatory. I’m drawn to them, though. I can’t help but open them (even with dread) the moment I see them.
I opened one on Friday. Ok, I opened 4 of them. *sigh* I shouldn’t have. I was in tears that night. I’ve been full of angst most of the weekend, not wanting to come back to work because I’d have to deal with her crap.
What’s even worse is that I get into work an average of 2-3 hours before the rest of the employees. I get a lot more done at 6 a.m. than I do when people are actually here. So, now I’ve been sitting here for over an hour fretting until my boss gets in and I can talk to him about this situation.
I hate this.
***
An addendum:
My boss was totally cool about the issue. He said that it may need to go to the next higher level because this woman has systematically berated, over 2 years, the people in my department. My boss is worried about losing us because of her (he wouldn’t because we all love what we do but she does make it difficult).
I’m relieved. Whew!
Friday May 3, 2002
6I remember reading a book (of course, heh!) by Josephine Hart, Damage (also later a movie with Jeremy Irons in it), and thinking that when they discuss the young woman and she says she’s damaged goods, that was me. I am damaged goods. Too many hurts (like everyone), too many bad choices, too much…just too much
I’ve gotten better at dealing with my trigger spots being hit, though. Yesterday, I was helping one of the support staff with her computer issues. When I was done, she started “play-punching” me and “play-slapping” me on my face. I asked her to please stop in a very calm voice (which belied how crazy that made me feel). She looked at me as I scurried around the corner of her desk to be out of range. “I’m just playing with you,” she said.
I don’t like being hit in that way, in play or not, I responded.
She was hurt. I don’t know why but she was. She asked me if I had been abused as a child. I said, not really, no. I had been as an adult.
This was all quite personal, I thought, of a co-worker to be asking me.
She said she would be careful not to touch me in the future, then, no hugs, nothing. I told her that hugs were not the same as hitting…especially my face, my head, or my shoulders/arms area. She asked about pats on the back.
We were getting quite specific about all of this…and it worries me. Do I project something I shouldn’t? I merely asked her not to hit me.
I hope I’m becoming stronger, less of a victim. I can’t say that’s true for me, though. I have walked into one abusive relationship after another. They are all different…the early ones were physically abusive…the latter have been emotionally abusive…but I stay (this does NOT include my current relationship. It does feel different.).
Therapy doesn’t hurt, either…it’s helping me get through a lot of stuff and pick better men.
What I wonder, though, is that aren’t we all “damaged” in some way or another? Don’t we all come, especiall as we age, to relationships with some sort of baggage?
If we don’t, have we really lived
damaged goods?
09 years ago
by dawn
in just a thought
I remember reading a book (of course, heh!) by Josephine Hart, Damage (also later a movie with Jeremy Irons in it), and thinking that when they discuss the young woman and she says she’s damaged goods, that was me. I am damaged goods. Too many hurts (like everyone), too many bad choices, too much…just too much
I’ve gotten better at dealing with my trigger spots being hit, though. Yesterday, I was helping one of the support staff with her computer issues. When I was done, she started “play-punching” me and “play-slapping” me on my face. I asked her to please stop in a very calm voice (which belied how crazy that made me feel). She looked at me as I scurried around the corner of her desk to be out of range. “I’m just playing with you,” she said.
I don’t like being hit in that way, in play or not, I responded.
She was hurt. I don’t know why but she was. She asked me if I had been abused as a child. I said, not really, no. I had been as an adult.
This was all quite personal, I thought, of a co-worker to be asking me.
She said she would be careful not to touch me in the future, then, no hugs, nothing. I told her that hugs were not the same as hitting…especially my face, my head, or my shoulders/arms area. She asked about pats on the back.
We were getting quite specific about all of this…and it worries me. Do I project something I shouldn’t? I merely asked her not to hit me.
I hope I’m becoming stronger, less of a victim. I can’t say that’s true for me, though. I have walked into one abusive relationship after another. They are all different…the early ones were physically abusive…the latter have been emotionally abusive…but I stay (this does NOT include my current relationship. It does feel different.).
Therapy doesn’t hurt, either…it’s helping me get through a lot of stuff and pick better men.
What I wonder, though, is that aren’t we all “damaged” in some way or another? Don’t we all come, especially as we age, to relationships with some sort of baggage?
If we don’t, have we really lived
Thursday May 2, 2002
8“When I get a little money, I buy books; and if any is left, I buy food and clothes.” ~ Desiderius Erasmus
I was sent to Barnes & Noble by my boss last night. I had to buy a gift certificate and card for our student worker who is leaving us today. I was chosen because I live closest to the only Barnes & Noble in town (even though I’m still a ways from it). I think, too, that they chose me because I’ve *always* got my nose stuck in a book.
Now, this was purely evil on their part and they (my co-workers and boss) probably didn’t even realize how evil they were being. I mean, really…would you send a bank robber into open vault to get a money bag for you? Of course not.
Do you send a book addict to Barnes & Noble to buy a gift?
I guess, in this case, you do.
I can’t just walk into a bookstore, buy a card and gift certificate, and leave. It’s not possible. All of those shiny, glossy covers call to me. I love roaming around the bargain book tables and seeing if there is anything I can’t live without (there always is, of course). I am drawn by the smell of books, the rippling of pages, the heftiness of weight. I feel such satisfaction walking out of a bookstore with a few books under my arm.
Then I get home and realize how much I spent.
Was I supposed to buy groceries or pay rent with this paycheck? Oh, dear…