an understanding

His voice touches me like a fine cognac: smooth and gracious. It washes over me in waves, leaving me slightly intoxicated. I am giddy when I hear his soft growl of articulation in my ear. Whether it is his sleepy or wide-awake voice, the inflections and tones wreak delicious havoc on my system. He brings me to the brink of my world, then takes me over and beyond, into his own. That is where I am most at peace. His world is full of sunlight and laughter, fast cars and world travel, lazy mornings and lovemaking.

I long for his world. I desire to be a part of it every waking moment. He says it will come, in time. Until then, he gives me glimpses of what it would be like to live in his world. Sometimes, though, this is not enough. My body aches to actually be in his world. My mind is constantly there. My heart has been there since the beginning.

I think of him every moment of every day. When I fear that I’m obsessing, I think of him even more. It isn’t dangerous. It isn’t malicious. It is a need to have him consume me in reality as his words, thoughts, and expressions do in my every waking moment and even into my dreams.

His words caress me like soft silks: intimate and sensual. They drape over me in protective layers, making me feel sophisticated and rich. I feel as if the world is a step away and I will be safe in anything I endeavor. I am more relaxed because of the power, the safety, and the strength he gives to me. I feel like the world is at my feet and I can do whatever I wish.

This is a gift. Not everyone is able to deliver such a gift and be able to make sure that it withstands time and emotional turmoil. He can. He is an honourable man who is able to deliver what he promises. This is all-too-often a rare trait. He only promises that which he is able to deliver, never more, but that is always the perfect amount. He knows exactly what I need and is able to give it to me every single time.

He has entered my soul and owns my heart. I didn’t let him in. He was intuitive and able to find a way in to my darkest corners. I threw up walls at every turn and he still came back, willingly, to climb over them, bulldoze them, or simply walk through them as if by magic. I test him. I probably will until the day I die. I need to make sure that I’m worthy of him and testing him does that, I suppose. I tell him how horrible I am. He returns every time. I get moody and angry. He continues to return. Gentle words and an openness that I’m not accustomed to are a part of his way of dealing with me. They work so much better than silence or anger. They allow me to open up to him more than I would because I know he will receive what I share with an open heart and mind.

He has given me his heart as well. This I hold dear to me. I’ve wrapped it within the folds of my own so that no harm can come to it. No matter what happens, his is always protected from whatever may come our way. It is precious to me. It is the most precious gift I’ve ever been given. I would guard it with my life. I want for nothing else because of it.

All of this and I have never touched the man. So many will ask how this can be. My answer is that the heart knows of no boundaries. The mind is able to fill in the spaces. One does not need to actually feel another to feel love. It has happened this way for centuries and it will continue to happen for eons. The human capacity to love is greater than the confines that we humans wish to put around it. It is often misunderstood and confused with so many other things. There are some things that we will never be able to understand. Love is one of these things.

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