My shampoo states this unequivocally:

“Congratulations! You are perfectly normal!”

It doesn’t state that my HAIR is perfectly normal.  It says that I am.  How do they know?  I mean…what is normal, anyway? 

http://www.webster.com defines normal as these things:

Main Entry: 1nor·mal

Pronunciation: 'nor-m&l
Function: adjective
Etymology: Latin normalis, from norma
Date: circa 1696
1 : PERPENDICULAR; especially : perpendicular to a tangent at a point of tangency
2 a : according with, constituting, or not deviating from a norm, rule, or principle b : conforming to a type, standard, or regular pattern
3 : occurring naturally <normal immunity>
4 a : of, relating to, or characterized by average intelligence or development b : free from mental disorder : SANE
5 a of a solution : having a concentration of one gram equivalent of solute per liter b : containing neither basic hydroxyl nor acid hydrogen <normal silver phosphate> c : not associated <normal molecules> d : having a straight-chain structure <normal pentane> <normal butyl alcohol>
6 of a subgroup : having the property that every coset produced by operating on the left by a given element is equal to the coset produced by operating on the right by the same element
7 : relating to, involving, or being a normal curve or normal distribution <normal approximation to the binomial distribution>
8 of a matrix : having the property of commutativity under multiplication by the transpose of the matrix each of whose elements is a conjugate complex number with respect to the corresponding element of the given matrix
synonym see REGULAR
- nor·mal·i·ty /nor-'ma-l&-tE/ noun
- nor·mal·ly /'nor-m&-lE/ adverb

My goodness…so, am I perpendicular to a tangent, not deviated (heh!), average, etc., etc., etc.???

My mother has said that I’m eccentric.

Main Entry: 1ec·cen·tric
Pronunciation: ik-'sen-trik, ek-
Function: adjective
Etymology: Middle English, from Medieval Latin eccentricus, from Greek ekkentros, from ex out of + kentron center
Date: circa 1630
1 a : deviating from an established or usual pattern or style b : deviating from conventional or accepted usage or conduct especially in odd or whimsical ways
2 a : deviating from a circular path; especially : ELLIPTICAL 1 eccentric orbit> b : located elsewhere than at the geometrical center; also : having the axis or support so located eccentric wheel>
synonym see STRANGE
- ec·cen·tri·cal·ly /-tri-k(&lE/ adverb

Ok…so, now I’m confused.  Which is it?  Why do I have to be labeled?  Why can’t I just be ME?  What is wrong with being ME, anyway? 

I admit it.  I’m different.  I cherish that difference.  I like that I’m not exactly the same as everyone else.  Then again, who is?  I’m sure, dear reader, that you’re saying the same thing.  I’m different, too.  I’m not the same as everyone else.

Life is confusing enough without labels.  We label food (organic, genetically-altered, The Real Thing, The Choice of a New Generation).  We label ourselves through cars.  Drive a Porsche and you’ll be popular beyond your dreams.  Drive a Yugo and you’ll be lucky if anyone notices you.  We define our skin with colors that don’t even really match our skin colors:  red, yellow, black, white.  My eyes aren’t REALLY blue…they are a mix-match of all kinds of different colors that look blue in certain light and greyish in others and, yet, again, somewhat green in others.  Does that make them hazel?  What color is hazel, anyway???   I don’t wear designer clothes, don’t put on that model-perfect makeup (don’t wear any at all, thank you very much), don’t have the town’s top stylist do my hair (what’s wrong with going out with it wet?  Who is it bothering???).

My shampoo says that I’m perfectly normal.

Should I be excited about that?