doctoral candidate in rhetoric and scientific and technical communication
Archive for October, 2004
Wednesday October 27, 2004
0Eliza – thanks for that link. I’ll probably use it tomorrow. :-) It’s good to see you here, too!
—
I realized something yesterday.
Many of us feel like we’re alone in this world but when we really need someone, people step up and offer a hand.
I have a friend who recently had her gallbladder removed because it was almsot ready to burst. She was in extreme pain but still managed to drive herself to the hospital and check herself in.
She drove herself because she didn’t want to bother anyone.
She’s a single woman without children. She is strong and independent. She doesn’t ask for help very often. She doesn’t want to intrude on other people’s lives. She doesn’t want to bother other people.
This week, she had to ask for help. She couldn’t move. She couldn’t get out of bed to feed herself.
I was talking to her on the phone yesterday and she said to me that she was amazed at all of the people who had signed her get-well cards and had contributed to a basket for her. I told her that I thought she probably didn’t realize what an impact she made on other people’s lives. She said she didn’t. I told her that talking to her is like being in the safest place. It doesn’t matter if you’re crying or laughing, you always feel good when you walk away from talking to her because she has a manner that gives you peace.
She said to me that she thought about me during this ordeal. She said, “You live so far out. What if this happened to you? Who would take care of you? Would you call anyone? Would you let anyone in?”
She told me that she wanted to be there for me if something happened to me.
I was overwhelmed by that. I don’t know if it was the medication or her pain or her very emotional state speaking at that moment. It doesn’t really matter.
What matters is that she reached out a hand and I took it and said thank you.
She touched me. Deeply.
Monday October 25, 2004
0I am taking a Rhetoric class this semester. It’s actually called Computers and Literacy. We have to do a project in the class.
I decided to do a project that researches the impact of the internet on women and politics and how politics has been opened up to women much more.
Part of the project was to design something. I’ve designed a political blog.
I’ve decided that I’ll start posting all of my political writings on that site so that this site can be more personal things about life and love and poetry and writings.
If you’re interested in checking out my political blog and commenting, please do: http://www.politiscape.com I would love to get your comments.
new blog
0I am taking a Rhetoric class this semester. It’s actually called Computers and Literacy. We have to do a project in the class.
I decided to do a project that researches the impact of the internet on women and politics and how politics has been opened up to women much more.
Part of the project was to design something. I’ve designed a political blog.
I’ve decided that I’ll start posting all of my political writings on that site so that this site can be more personal things about life and love and poetry and writings.
If you’re interested in checking out my political blog and commenting, please do: http://www.politiscape.com I would love to get your comments.
kneeling
07 years ago
by dawn
in spirituality
I recently finished reading Alice Walker’s By the Light of My Father’s Smile. In this book, there is a ritual between parents and their children when the children are marrying or becoming a part of a couple. The parents kiss important parts of the child’s body: the feet, the palms, the elbows, the stomach, and other areas. It is a way of telling that child (an adult, actually) that his or her body is sacred and beautiful and ready to be shared with another.
There is a passage that I love because it talks about kneeling:
When the time came, and I knelt before her, I kissed not only her palms and the arches of her feet, which seemed to buzz with energy, but also her knees. Because, after all, it is to our knees that we must sometimes be driven, before we can recognize, witness, or welcome our own light.
This resonated with me. When I kneel, I do recognize my own light. I’m driven to my knees by so many things. I do it out of devotion. I do it out of need. I do it out of desire to please. I do it because it feels right. I do it because that’s where I want to be.
Kneeling is a part of the divine. Kneeling is a part of worship.
People kneel in prayer. People kneel when they are overcome by emotion.
Kneeling is sacred and beautiful.
miscommunication
0I hate miscommunication. I hate it even more when I jump to a conclusion and make an assumption that may not be correct.
I can read what someone writes, take their words exactly as they write them, and still get it wrong because I don’t understand the intent behind the words.
I can hear someone talk to me, run it through my head, and still come out with the wrong message.
I wonder if my filtering mechanisms are screwed up. I wonder if I overthink things (okay, I know I do this but I wonder if I do it even more than I think I do…oy…this could be a vicious cycle!). I wonder if I allow past circumstances to cloud my ability to comprehend.
What I hate the most is making a decision or a statement based on miscommunication and then having it come back and make me realize that I really made an ass of myself.
I hate that.
There is no wonder why I often am silent. It’s way too easy to make mistakes where people are concerned.
acceptance
0I took my blog from yesterday and turned it into an opportunity.
I decided to trust…not to just write about it…not to just think about it…but to actually do it.
I took a leap. I threw myself out there.
I took a deep breath and did something that I have never done.
I didn’t know what to expect. I had no idea what may be happen.
I will admit that I didn’t expect the best and I didn’t expect the worst but beyond that, I didn’t know what to expect.
I was met with kindness.
I was greeted with encouragement.
I was given good advice.
I was given a gift.
I don’t trust easily.
I took a chance on trust and I was not disappointed. I was not pushed away. I was not treated with disdain or disgust or ridicule.
While this person would probably never treat me like that anyway, it is what I’ve come to expect from people as a whole. And as I’ve been reminded, people cannot be lumped into a generalization. Each person is who she or he is and must be taken on her or his own merits…not on the basis of what I’ve experienced from a majority of people in the past.
It sounds easy. It’s not. Each time I speak, I have to remind myself that this is something new and I have to treat each person as if I don’t have a past to draw negative experience from to affect how I deal with this person.
Acceptance is a two-way street. I think it is similar to how I talked about trust yesterday. You give acceptance, it will come back to you. It blossoms from there.
I felt acceptance yesterday.
I feel that acceptance today.
My heart feels lighter today.
My spirit feels more free.
I feel open.
—
Maya Angelou wrote, “When we cast our bread upon the waters, we can presume that someone downstream whose face we will never know will benefit from our action, as we who are downstream from another will profit from that grantor’s gift.”
I have been gifted with bread cast upon the water and sent down the stream.
I am profiting from this gift.
As I toss my bread upon the waters, who knows who will profit downstream?
trust
0I am learning to trust.
I learned a lesson yesterday in a very gentle and affirming way.
I didn’t need to be hit over the head with this lesson. I didn’t need to hear that I’m being silly or that I’m being ridiculous or that I’m being stubborn. I’m dealing with some very real self-image issues that have barred me from living life to its fullest. I’m dealing with issues that are steeped in heavy baggage from the past.
I needed to hear the words, “I understand.”
I needed to hear the tone that was patient and kind.
I heard kindness. I heard patience and understanding.
I heard “trust me.”
Trust.
My hands start to shake. My stomach starts to churn. I’m thinking a mile a minute of how to get out of this situation. Normally.
You want me to do what?
Trust me.
It was implied. It wasn’t blatant.
I didn’t run. I didn’t shake.
I heard it. For the first time in a long time, I felt it. I can trust this person. I won’t be hurt.
The most profound thing I learned is that when someone reaches out in sincerity and asks you to trust, they are taking a chance, too. They are saying, “I believe in you. I trust you.” They are making themselves vulnerable. They are putting themselves on the line.
I can either take the hand offered to me and move forward or I can perpetuate the distrust and, perhaps, cause the other person to feel a little of that as well.
I would rather be someone who stops a cycle. I would rather move in a positive direction. Where there was one saying, “trust me,” now there can be two.
A strong hand reached out to me.
I chose to take it.
—
As I was writing this, I kept hearing a song in my head (which is not abnormal…music plays a big part in my life). While all of the lyrics may not match, it strikes me that much of this path of discovery is mirrored in this song.
The Power of Love
Indigo Girlsguess i wasn’t the best one to ask
me myself with my face pressed
up against love’s glass
to see the shiny toy i’ve been hoping for
the one i never can afford
the wide world spins and spits turmoil
and the nations toil for peace
but the paws of fear upon your chest
only love can soothe that beast
and my words are paper tigers
no match for the predators of pain inside heri say love will come to you
hoping just because i spoke the words that they’re true
as if i offered up a crystal ball to look through
where there’s now one there will be twoi was born under the sign of cancer
(love will come to you)
like brushing cloth i smooth the wrinkles for an answer
(love will come)
i’m always closing my eyes and wishing i’m fine
(i close my eyes and wish you fine)
even though i know i’m not this time
(even though i know your not this time)i say love will come to you
hoping just because i spoke the words that they’re true
as if i offered up a crystal ball to look through
where there’s now one there will be twododging your memories a field of knives
always on the outside looking in on other’s livesi say love will come to you
hoping just because i spoke the words that they’re true
as if i offered up a crystal ball to look through
(i have offered up to you)
where there’s now one there will be twoand i wish her insight to battle love’s blindness
strength from the milk of human kindness
a safe place for all the pieces that scattered
learn to pretend there’s more than love that matters
worship
07 years ago
by dawn
in spirituality
I light a candle.
I kneel.
I bow my head to the floor, eyes closed, hands behind my back.
I breathe.
I think of all that I am grateful for and all that I have been given and all that has brought me to this point.
I am humble.
I have been humbled.
I am nothing and everything all at once.
I feel the light of the divine shine down upon me.
A glow fills me.
I speak the sacred words that have been written for me.
I think of what they mean.
I am humbled yet again.
I am filled with gratitude.
I am focused.
I have prostrated myself.
There cannot be enough moments in each day to express my devotion, my gratitude.
I must live a life that expresses this.
I must live in honor.
I must speak with integrity.
I must listen and be receptive.
I must have Perspective, Flexibility, Patiences, Compassion, and Reflection.
I light this candle to worship.
I kneel to show supplication.
I bow my head to show my humility.
I breath to take in the wisdom and expel the superfluous.
I speak to show gratitude.
I live to show adoration, devotion, loyalty, and service.
Every day brings new lessons in humility and gratitude.
focus
07 years ago
by dawn
in just a thought
Focus. I need to learn to focus more. I’ve never been able to allow my mind to sit still long enough to focus on one thing for too long. Even when I’m doing extremely detailed work like quilting or needlepoint, my mind is racing ahead to what I will be doing in an hour or later that day.
This becomes extremely important when I’m being given instruction or being asked to listen to understand what is being asked of me.
I hear the words. I file them away. Then I move on. I just pass over them and move on to the next thought.
This is not only disrespectful to the person giving me instruction but it can lead to disastrous results. I may miss out on something important. I may actually fail at an assignment because I filed it away quickly without actually paying attention.
Most people who know me would not say I’m a flighty person. I appear stable. I appear well-grounded. In fact, that’s one of the things that is said about me most often.
However, try to pin me down. Try to actually get me to focus on something and there are problems.
My devotional is giving me focus. There are people in my life who are helping me focus.
Last night I had a moment when I felt myself start to cross a boundary that shouldn’t be crossed because of my lack of focus. I was whining and being silly because I was trying to do too many things at once (there was a playoff baseball game on, for goodness sake!!!). I was joking and teasing and playing…and in one moment, I realized that I was about to do something that would be disrespectful.
A few days ago, I may not have realized it. Even now, thinking back, I may have slipped over the line. What is important, though, is that I’m seeing it more clearly. I’m focusing more on what is important even if it is in baby steps.
I always say, I’m a work in progress. Sometimes the work is arduous. Sometimes it is laborious.
It is always worth it.
presidential candidate debates
0So, I found this little thing interesting.
After the Presidential Debate on Friday evening, most of the political pundits on all of the major news channels (CNN, FOX, ABC, NBC, CBS) were saying that the debate was a tie.
However, if you went out to their websites (and the websites of CBC, BBC, NYTimes, LATimes, Chicago Sun-Times, Yahoo, etc.), an overwhelming majority of people who were answering their polls were saying that Kerry won (and this was by a landslide: 70-80% were saying Kerry won). I haven’t looked at their polls since late Friday night but at that time, probably before people were wooed by what they were being told they felt by the news reporters, the numbers were still for Kerry.
So, are we allowing big corporations, our news agencies, to tell us how to vote in this election? Are we going to be sheep or are we going to decide for ourselves based on the issues that we feel are the most important?
I’d rather think for myself than let some politico tell me how to vote.