doctoral candidate in rhetoric and scientific and technical communication
Archive for October, 2004
prescribed burns
07 years ago
by dawn
in environment
Today the city fire department is doing prescribed burns in town. They are doing them across the street from where I work. The school I work at is surrounded by forest (in fact, you can’t even see my school unless you know it’s there because the forest is so thick).
The smoke is surrounding us. I can smell the smoke in my office right now. You can’t see across the parking lot and people are having a rough time breathing right now.
I always think it’s odd in how they determine how and when to burn. Why wouldn’t they do this on a weekend when the area is almost vacant? Why wouldn’t they warn people about how bad it is before coming in?
I think the burns are a good idea but it is a health hazard.
Wednesday October 6, 2004
0Today the city fire department is doing prescribed burns in town. They are doing them across the street from where I work. The school I work at is surrounded by forest (in fact, you can’t even see my school unless you know it’s there because the forest is so thick).
The smoke is surrounding us. I can smell the smoke in my office right now. You can’t see across the parking lot and people are having a rough time breathing right now.
I always think it’s odd in how they determine how and when to burn. Why wouldn’t they do this on a weekend when the area is almost vacant? Why wouldn’t they warn people about how bad it is before coming in?
I think the burns are a good idea but it is a health hazard.
Tuesday October 5, 2004
0Tonight is the Vice-presidential debate.
I hope something exciting happens.
It would make all of this so much more fun.
overcoming blocks
0I often consider myself damaged. I’ve been willing to accept a lot of conditioning from other people who have been in my life and this has left me with some weird issues that I need to overcome. The perfectionism and abandonment are two of those issues that I have discussed before. I think there are others that aren’t as serious but still impact my life in strange ways.
I have trouble saying certain words. I’ve spoken about my issue with saying the word “cunt.” I’m getting better at writing it but I still have trouble saying it. I have trouble talking about my fantasies unless I’m so completely comfortable with someone and feel like they wouldn’t project their own issues on to me about them.
I think, though, that these all come back to the very same issues. If I can’t say something perfectly, why say it? I may be ridiculed for it.
I avoid these things because I know that I can’t be perfect in them. I know that I will falter and trip and feel stupid. I know that I’m taking a chance and asking someone at the other end to recognize that vulnerability and not hurt me.
This isn’t what I meant to write about today but I think that it’s foremost on my mind because I want to take a chance. I want to be vulnerable and have that be ok. I want to bare myself and reach out to that person who is holding out a hand.
I am learning to trust.
i can’t
0Stupid words: I can’t. I say them and then, later, question them.
When we’re kids, we’re read the story, The Little Engine That Could by Watty Piper (Platt & Munk publishers):
A little railroad engine was employed about a station yard for such work as it was built for, pulling a few cars on and off the switches. One morning it was waiting for the next call when a long train of freight-cars asked a large engine in the roundhouse to take it over the hill “I can’t; that is too much a pull for me,” said the great engine built for hard work. Then the train asked another engine, and another, only to hear excuses and be refused. At last in desperation the train asked the little switch engine to draw it up the grade and down on the other side. “I think I can,” puffed the little locomotive, and put itself in front of the great heavy train. As is went on the little engine kept bravely puffing faster and faster, “I think I can, I think I can, I think I can.”
Then as it near the top of the grade, that had so discouraged the larger engines, it went more slowly, but still kept saying, “I–think–I–can, I–think–I–can.” It reached the top by dint of brave effort and then went on down the grade, congratulating itself, “I thought I could, I thought I could.”
To think of hard things and say, “I can’t” is sure to mean “Nothing done.” To refuse to be daunted and insist on saying, “I think I can,” is to make sure of being able to say triumphantly by and by, “I thought I could, I thought I could.”
I’ve always loved that story. It’s about believing in yourself. It’s about optimism. It’s about pushing through the hard times and making it work.
So, why can’t I? Why do I say I can’t when I probably can if I tackle it from a different angle. I doubt there is really very much that I can’t do.
It drives me crazy when I do that. It makes me angry when I limit myself like that.
I am disappointed in myself when I want to do something and I find that I can’t do it. I know that if someone else is counting on me, that person will be disappointed, too.
I need to focus on this…
I think I can. I think I can.
I know I can.