Archive for December, 2004

It will, of course, be all over the news today.  63 years ago, Pearl Harbor was bombed by the Japanese, bringing the United States into World War II.

My grandfather and his two brothers were in Pearl Harbor when it was bombed.  They served in the Pacific fleet.

One of my great-uncles, my grandfather’s youngest brother, was killed in the bombing.

My family went to visit the Pearl Harbor Memorial 12 years ago.  As we looked through the exhibits, we saw mention of our family name.  We was remnants of our history in those annals.

Today, I dedicated my blog to the men and women who gave their lives in that battle.

I dedicate it to my Grandpa Rusty who was one of the most amazing men I’ve ever known.

I love you, Grandpa.  Rest in Peace.

I don’t think I’ve ever felt anything quite like it before or since the event.

When Willow was born, I was living with a man who was fairly dangerous.  I was drawn to his motorcycle-riding, bad-boy persona.  I didn’t realize that he had an arsenal of guns in his house until well after I had moved in.  I didn’t realize that he looked up to the Nazis until I was entrenched.  I didn’t realize how much harm he could do me until the night Willow was born.

I called him to let him know that I was at the hospital awaiting the birth of my first niece or nephew.  He told me that if I didn’t get home at that moment, that he would “twist my arms and legs off and watch me die.”  He was in a bad place.  I didn’t know where it was coming from but he was in a bad place.

I went home.  I was scared but I went home.

He was asleep by the time I got there and I just slipped into bed and went to sleep.

He was gone when I got up.

I went to work and then took time off to go to the hospital to see my new niece.  She was beautiful.  I had never seen anyone like her.  I had never felt anything like I felt when I held her in my arms.

I didn’t want to give her back to her parents.  She was my Willow. 

Little tufts of red hair…just like her Aunt Dawn.  She was born on the 10th of the month…just like her Aunt Dawn. 

Later, she would have the same blue eyes, the same freckles, and the same temperment as her Aunt Dawn.

I was overwhelmed.  I was blown away.  My heart felt like it would burst right out of my chest and it would lay beating at her feet.  I was in tears because of the emotional impact she made on me.

At that moment, I decided to change my life.  I wanted her to be safe visiting me.  I wanted her to see a strong person to look up to.

I moved out a day later.  I got my own little place.  I made a home.

Willow, even though 3 others have been born after her, is still my heart.  She never fails to touch me deeper than almost anyone else.

I owe Willow my life.

She’s the little redheaded girl that I love.

(taken Friday, December 3, 2004)

I don’t particularly like December all that much.

It’s not the month itself.  It’s the things that happen during December.

My birthday is this month.  It is invariably forgotten by my family nearly every year.  I have spent a few birthdays crying and wondering why I’m so easily forgotten.

Solistice and Christmas are pretty lonely.  All of my siblings are married and have families and in-laws and this time of the year, they go to their in-laws.  We don’t exchange gifts.  We don’t get together.  So, when everyone else is talking about seeing people they love, I’m usually at home alone…again.

Typically, being home alone doesn’t bother me.  But I have a few weeks off from work and I’m sitting at home while the rest of the world seems to be celebrating.

I hate that.

I just needed to get this out so I can be done with it and move on.

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12/05/04 Picture of the Week