doctoral candidate in rhetoric and scientific and technical communication
Archive for December, 2004
golden boy
0Shadow, my younger brother, and I have always had a bond. He says that we look the most alike…he’s the male version of me. We’re both very academic. We both work in the computer field. We both analyze things carefully.
There was a time when Shadow and I were pursuing our undergraduate degrees together. We even had one class together..which was a blast since we look at things from different perspectives. We could be seen walking across campus debating the conjugation of verbs of words such as “spit” (is it “spat” or “spitted”?). *laughing* I can still remember that debate. (cre8in, you probably remember us during that time!)
Shadow, his then girlfriend (now wife) Jennifer, and I all worked together in merchandising. We traveled all over the state together to work in remodeling grocery stores.
It wouldn’t matter how good of a job Jennifer and I would do. Shadow would always be singled out as someone who did an exceptional job. It got so bad that Jennifer and I nicknamed Shadow “Golden Boy” because he could do no wrong. Whenever someone would call him, we’d say, “Oh, Golden Boy…” *chuckle*
Our relationship really took a turn when my beloved Willow was born. I can remember that day like it was last week. I didn’t want to leave the hospital. I wanted to hold her forever.
The first 3 months of Willow’s life, we didn’t visit much. Shadow and Jennifer wanted to get to know their baby. After that, though, I saw them a lot. They asked me to babysit Willow from a very young age. They trusted me with their sweet girl. That told me a lot.
I consider Jennifer a sister. She’s been just as close as one and sometimes even closer. Golden Boy is a wonderful brother to have because I can talk to him about the things that matter to me and he gets it. We joke and tease and are still good friends at the end of the day.
When I first started looking into grad schools, they both knew that I probably wasn’t going to apply too far from here because I didn’t want to be too far from their two beautiful kids. They told me not to worry about that. They said that they would make sure I was a part of the kids’ lives no matter where I live. They said they
would make sure to visit so I could see the kids.
I couldn’t ask for better friends.
Moreso, I couldn’t ask for a better brother or sister-in-law. They are my family.
Friday December 3, 2004
0Golden Boy
Shadow, my younger brother, and I have always had a bond. He says that we look the most alike…he’s the male version of me. We’re both very academic. We both work in the computer field. We both analyze things carefully.
There was a time when Shadow and I were pursuing our undergraduate degrees together. We even had one class together..which was a blast since we look at things from different perspectives. We could be seen walking across campus debating the conjugation of verbs of words such as “spit” (is it “spat” or “spitted”?). *laughing* I can still remember that debate. (cre8in, you probably remember us during that time!)
Shadow, his then girlfriend (now wife) Jennifer, and I all worked together in merchandising. We traveled all over the state together to work in remodeling grocery stores.
It wouldn’t matter how good of a job Jennifer and I would do. Shadow would always be singled out as someone who did an exceptional job. It got so bad that Jennifer and I nicknamed Shadow “Golden Boy” because he could do no wrong. Whenever someone would call him, we’d say, “Oh, Golden Boy…” *chuckle*
Our relationship really took a turn when my beloved Willow was born. I can remember that day like it was last week. I didn’t want to leave the hospital. I wanted to hold her forever.
The first 3 months of Willow’s life, we didn’t visit much. Shadow and Jennifer wanted to get to know their baby. After that, though, I saw them a lot. They asked me to babysit Willow from a very young age. They trusted me with their sweet girl. That told me a lot.
I consider Jennifer a sister. She’s been just as close as one and sometimes even closer. Golden Boy is a wonderful brother to have because I can talk to him about the things that matter to me and he gets it. We joke and tease and are still good friends at the end of the day.
When I first started looking into grad schools, they both knew that I probably wasn’t going to apply too far from here because I didn’t want to be too far from their two beautiful kids. They told me not to worry about that. They said that they would make sure I was a part of the kids’ lives no matter where I live. They said they would make sure to visit so I could see the kids.
I couldn’t ask for better friends.
Moreso, I couldn’t ask for a better brother or sister-in-law. They are my family.
freedom
0“Where there is love there is life.”
– Mohandas Karamchand Gandhi (1869-1948), [Mahatma]
I’m one of those fortunate people who is blessed with siblings that are amazing and supportive and my best friends.
When we were younger, my brother, Todd, and I fought constantly. We were the closest in age and we were rivals. I was the goody-two-shoes. I got the straight A’s. I was the over-achiever. Todd had the unfortunate act of being born after me. To get the attention, he did the bad things. He would
rebel at every turn.
I hate that we didn’t understand that back then. I hate that we both suffered because we had to vie for attention in ways that children shouldn’t have to.
We didn’t really talk a lot in our teens. We both had very separate lives.
When I got into my 20s, Todd was my hero. When I hurt, he was there to pick me up. When I needed rescuing, HE was my white knight. He saved me more than once.
I think he saved me from myself a few times.
In my mid-20s, I moved to Boulder, Colorado. One day, out of the blue, I got a letter from Todd. In this letter, he told me that he regretted that we hadn’t had a perfect relationship but that he wanted me to know that he loved me and that he would always be there for me.
I cried that day. No one had ever said that to me and meant it. I knew he did.
He hasn’t broken that promise. He has been here for me. He makes sure that I’m not alone on holidays. He makes sure to call me a few times a week just to talk, just to stay in touch.
He’s still my hero.
Thursday December 2, 2004
0“Where there is love there is life.”
— Mohandas Karamchand Gandhi (1869-1948), [Mahatma]
I’m one of those fortunate people who is blessed with siblings that are amazing and supportive and my best friends.
When we were younger, my brother, Todd, and I fought constantly. We were the closest in age and we were rivals. I was the goody-two-shoes. I got the straight A’s. I was the over-achiever. Todd had the unfortunate act of being born after me. To get the attention, he did the bad things. He would rebel at every turn.
I hate that we didn’t understand that back then. I hate that we both suffered because we had to vie for attention in ways that children shouldn’t have to.
We didn’t really talk a lot in our teens. We both had very separate lives.
When I got into my 20s, Todd was my hero. When I hurt, he was there to pick me up. When I needed rescuing, HE was my white knight. He saved me more than once.
I think he saved me from myself a few times.
In my mid-20s, I moved to Boulder, Colorado. One day, out of the blue, I got a letter from Todd. In this letter, he told me that he regretted that we hadn’t had a perfect relationship but that he wanted me to know that he loved me and that he would always be there for me.
I cried that day. No one had ever said that to me and meant it. I knew he did.
He hasn’t broken that promise. He has been here for me. He makes sure that I’m not alone on holidays. He makes sure to call me a few times a week just to talk, just to stay in touch.
He’s still my hero.
lessons
0What would you do differently?
I was asked that last night. What would I do differently if I had the
same opportunity once again? How would my behavior change?
I don’t have to play the victim all of the time. Everyone is not out to get me. Some people are genuinely nice and good and have my best interests at heart. Some people actually do care.
When a little direction is given to me, I shouldn’t look at it as if I’m being criticized. When someone is teasing me, I shouldn’t look at it as if I’m being ridiculed.
My past has caused me to look at things differently than most people normally would. I walk on eggshells constantly. I am wary of almost everything. I look for ulterior motives in every movement so I can anticipate things.
The problem with this is that I tend to anticipate the wrong thing with most people because they don’t have the same motives that people from my past have had.
When my cooking was criticized in the past, it could lead to a fierce beating. So, if I hear something I think is criticism now, it is a trigger for me to become defensive. That’s not fair to the person I’m dealing with. If he offers a suggestion on how to cut something up because it will be quicker and we’re in a hurry, I should take that as a suggestion and assess the validity of it instead of letting it push my buttons.
He was right. I should have done it the way he suggested.
I saw it as a means of trying to control me. I should have realized that wasn’t was going on because in that dynamic, control is not the issue. Preferences and guidance are the standards.
I shake my head at that now. What was I thinking? How silly of me.
It was such a stupid thing to get upset over but I did.
However, it taught me something about myself and the person I was dealing with. I definitely have triggers. He’s a good person.
These are good lessons to learn.
Wednesday December 1, 2004
0What would you do differently?
I was asked that last night. What would I do differently if I had the same opportunity once again? How would my behavior change?
I don’t have to play the victim all of the time. Everyone is not out to get me. Some people are genuinely nice and good and have my best interests at heart. Some people actually do care.
When a little direction is given to me, I shouldn’t look at it as if I’m being criticized. When someone is teasing me, I shouldn’t look at it as if I’m being ridiculed.
My past has caused me to look at things differently than most people normally would. I walk on eggshells constantly. I am wary of almost everything. I look for ulterior motives in every movement so I can anticipate things.
The problem with this is that I tend to anticipate the wrong thing with most people because they don’t have the same motives that people from my past have had.
When my cooking was criticized in the past, it could lead to a fierce beating. So, if I hear something I think is criticism now, it is a trigger for me to become defensive. That’s not fair to the person I’m dealing with. If he offers a suggestion on how to cut something up because it will be quicker and we’re in a hurry, I should take that as a suggestion and assess the validity of it instead of letting it push my buttons.
He was right. I should have done it the way he suggested.
I saw it as a means of trying to control me. I should have realized that wasn’t was going on because in that dynamic, control is not the issue. Preferences and guidance are the standards.
I shake my head at that now. What was I thinking? How silly of me.
It was such a stupid thing to get upset over but I did.
However, it taught me something about myself and the person I was dealing with. I definitely have triggers. He’s a good person.
These are good lessons to learn.