What would you do differently?

I was asked that last night. What would I do differently if I had the
same opportunity once again? How would my behavior change?

I don’t have to play the victim all of the time. Everyone is not out to get me. Some people are genuinely nice and good and have my best interests at heart. Some people actually do care.

When a little direction is given to me, I shouldn’t look at it as if I’m being criticized. When someone is teasing me, I shouldn’t look at it as if I’m being ridiculed.

My past has caused me to look at things differently than most people normally would. I walk on eggshells constantly. I am wary of almost everything. I look for ulterior motives in every movement so I can anticipate things.

The problem with this is that I tend to anticipate the wrong thing with most people because they don’t have the same motives that people from my past have had.

When my cooking was criticized in the past, it could lead to a fierce beating. So, if I hear something I think is criticism now, it is a trigger for me to become defensive. That’s not fair to the person I’m dealing with. If he offers a suggestion on how to cut something up because it will be quicker and we’re in a hurry, I should take that as a suggestion and assess the validity of it instead of letting it push my buttons.

He was right. I should have done it the way he suggested.

I saw it as a means of trying to control me. I should have realized that wasn’t was going on because in that dynamic, control is not the issue. Preferences and guidance are the standards.

I shake my head at that now. What was I thinking? How silly of me.

It was such a stupid thing to get upset over but I did.

However, it taught me something about myself and the person I was dealing with. I definitely have triggers. He’s a good person.

These are good lessons to learn.