I recently read somewhere that one of the most impactful human needs is the need to be needed, loved, desired, wanted, etc. (Yes, yes, I remember my Maslow’s hierarchy of need studies.)

Sometimes, for me, it’s more of not being invisible. I feel invisible all of the time. Once we get beyond the invisible issue, then I deal with the need to be wanted. I feel forgotten a lot.

I know a lot of this goes to childhood. I was the overachiever and had to continually do more and better in order to get noticed. I had a brother who took it the other way and did every bad thing he could think of to get attention (and he usually got more because of it).

As I did my devotional this morning, I was thinking about this and the words that I’m speaking aloud. I have pondered over these words in the past and I will probably do so in the future, as well.

I am learning to believe that when I venture out, when I take a chance, that I can go and be free and still know there is a safe place for me to return if I become fearful or worried.
I am learning that I’m not alone.

I am learning to believe. It’s not easy. I have moments of so much self-doubt, of wondering where I belong and if I’m important and if there really is a safe place or if I am alone. Sometimes I have to ask to know if I’m important because I don’t read the signs well. I don’t seem to understand the same things that people do in that regard.

The line that has been meaning the most for me lately is this one:

I am learning to be calm.

I’m trying so hard to learn to be calm. I’m trying so hard not to let that panic rise within me and make me completely irrational. I’m working diligently on this. I’m trying to find other outlets to stop it from rising and to allow me to be calm. That’s so much harder said than done.

I look at my life as a work in progress. Everyday I endeavor to do better and be better.

Some days I do this better than others.