I’m a perfectionist.

This is not a trait I would wish on my worst enemy. I feel like I should be in a 12-step program. It eats away at you like so many diseases.

The life of a perfectionist is fraught with perils: living up to abnormal expectations, always feeling like you have to be a certain type of person, feeling like you let people down constantly, feeling like a failure in so many things. Many of us had this instilled within us as very young children by parents who were still learning how to impart information to their children in a beneficial manner. It’s tied up in acceptance and love. If we’re not perfect, are we loveable?

The road to a “non-perfectionist” life is difficult. It is filled with tears and understanding that failure is bound to happen.

There are still times, though, when I kick myself. I beat up on myself when I know I could have done better or when I’m ashamed that I didn’t *get* it the first go around. It might not have been possible to do better or to *get* it but I still feel I should have.

Hi, my name is….and I’m a perfectionist.

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Perfect
Alanis Morrissette

Sometimes is never quite enough
If you’re flawless, then you’ll win my love
Don’t forget to win first place
Don’t forget to keep that smile on your face

Be a good boy
Try a little harder
You’ve got to measure up
And make me prouder

How long before you screw it up
How many times do I have to tell you to hurry up
With everything I do for you
The least you can do is keep quiet
Be a good girl
You’ve gotta try a little harder
That simply wasn’t good enough
To make us proud

I’ll live through you
I’ll make you what I never was
If you’re the best, then maybe so am I
Compared to him compared to her
I’m doing this for you’re own damn good
You’ll make up for what I bled
What’s the problem…why are you crying

Be a good boy
Push a little farther now
That wasn’t fast enough
To make us happy
We’ll love you just the way you are if you’re perfect