I don’t think I’ve ever felt anything quite like it before or since the event.

When Willow was born, I was living with a man who was fairly dangerous.  I was drawn to his motorcycle-riding, bad-boy persona.  I didn’t realize that he had an arsenal of guns in his house until well after I had moved in. I didn’t realize that he looked up to the Nazis until I was entrenched. I didn’t realize how much harm he could do me until the night Willow was born.

I called him to let him know that I was at the hospital awaiting the birth of my first niece or nephew.  He told me that if I didn’t get home at that moment, that he would “twist my arms and legs off and watch me die.”  He was in a bad place.  I didn’t know where it was coming from but he was in a bad place.

I went home.  I was scared but I went home.

He was asleep by the time I got there and I just slipped into bed and went to sleep.

He was gone when I got up.

I went to work and then took time off to go to the hospital to see my new niece.  She was beautiful.  I had never seen anyone like her.  I had never felt anything like I felt when I held her in my arms.

I didn’t want to give her back to her parents.  She was my Willow. 

Little tufts of red hair…just like her Aunt Dawn.  She was born on the 10th of the month…just like her Aunt Dawn. 

Later, she would have the same blue eyes, the same freckles, and the same temperment as her Aunt Dawn.

I was overwhelmed.  I was blown away.  My heart felt like it would burst right out of my chest and it would lay beating at her feet.  I was in tears because of the emotional impact she made on me.

At that moment, I decided to change my life.  I wanted her to be safe visiting me.  I wanted her to see a strong person to look up to.

I moved out a day later.  I got my own little place.  I made a home.

Willow, even though 3 others have been born after her, is still my heart.  She never fails to touch me deeper than almost anyone else.

I owe Willow my life.

She’s the little redheaded girl that I love.


(taken Friday, December 3, 2004)