Archive for January, 2005
long distance relationships
Jan 8th
I live in a fairly rural area. There is little, if any at all, kink in my town. To find it, I have to travel a few hundred miles. To find like-minded people, I have to travel.
I come online to meet like-minded people because it’s easier than traveling to the city all of the time.
Phoenix from an airplane
This is not to say that I haven’t lived in cities where I was a part of the kink communities. I have. But now, I live in a smaller city with little access.
Most relationships for me will be LDR to start. That’s not my preference but it is my reality.
I look at online LDRs as if they were the relationships of my grandparents’ or parents’ times. My grandparents corresponded through mail before marrying. My father was in the Navy for 6 years and only got to see my mom (and his 2 kids) every 9 months when his ship would come in off of a tour. Correspondence was the way they kept in touch.
I’m willing to move for the right relationship. I’m willing to take a chance. I think that finding someone to have a relationship with is worth the time that a LDR may take. It’s worth the effort.
It’s hard enough to find like-minded people. Putting one more limit on that makes it even more difficult.
I would like…
Jan 5th
Variation on the Word Sleep
Margaret AtwoodI would like to watch you sleeping
which may not happen.
I would like to watch you,
sleeping. I would like to sleep
with you, to enter
your sleep as its smooth dark wave
slides over my headand walk with you through that lucent
wavering forest of bluegreen leaves
with its watery sun & three moons
towards the cave where you must descend,
towards your worst fearI would like to give you the silver
branch, the small white flower, the one
word that will protect you
from the grief at the center
of your dream, from the grief
at the center. I would like to follow
you up the long stairway
again & become
the boat that would row you backcarefully, a flame
in two cupped hands
to where your body lies
beside me, and you enter
it as easily as breathing inI would like to be the air
that inhabits you for a moment
only. I would like to be that unnoticed
& that necessary.
free me
Jan 4th
I want to know what it feels like to have my hair tugged, pulling my head so I have to look in his eyes, and know trust.
Trust that is all-consuming. Trust that is powerful. Trust that will allow me to be free.
I once gave it freely. That was naive. Now, I give it freely to a point. Once I hit that point, it’s like hitting a brick wall. A brick wall that I need to break through to be free.
I hit that wall and I become a wild horse, snorting, kicking, fighting, head rearing back, wild look in my eyes.
Just because I have talked to you online for a few months, doesn’t mean that you have all of my trust. I can’t build that level of trust online.
I need to see your eyes. I need to feel your power and know that it will be used to my benefit. I need to know that I can trust you as much as I trust myself…even more.
Free me.
burning bright
Jan 3rd
The Kama Sutra of Kindness:
Position No. 2
Mary Mackeyshould I greet you
as if
we had merely eaten
together one night
when the white birches
dripped wet
and lightening etched
black trees on your walls?it is not love
I am askinglove comes from years
of breathing
skin to skin
tangled in each other’s dreams
until each night
weaves another thread
in the same web
of blood and sleepand I have only
passed through you quickly
like lightand you have only
surrounded me suddenly
like flamethe lake is cold
the snows are sudden
the wild cherry bends
and winter’s a burdenin your hand I feel
spring burn in the bud.
