Archive for August, 2005
graduate school
Aug 29th
It started today. I’m officially a graduate student and did my first assignment as a graduate student.
Omigosh.
I’m thrilled. I’m excited.
I feel like all of the things that have happened in my life have happened to get me to this point. I was meant to be here. I love school. Even more, though, I love that I’m going to school to do something that I love. I feel fulfilled in just registering for these classes and reading the syllabi.
Recently my advisor sent me an e-mail (during the summer months!). She had thought about me and two other students when she saw a job listing. It was for George Lucas’ educational foundation. She said that the three of us could blow away the competition and that these are the kinds of jobs she’d like to help us get when we’re finished with our educations.
George Lucas. Omigosh. I could work for George Lucas.
Or National Geographic.
Or any number of other amazing organizations.
I have those skills. Now I’m learning to fine-tune them and make them specific to work in a very new field that is bursting at the seams to have someone like me come in and do the work.
That is exciting stuff.
I’m a graduate student.
Omigosh.
the making of a hero
Aug 19th
Today I’m going to Phoenix to watch my brother make his dream come true.
He has worked very hard to be accepted into the Phoenix Fire Department. He is currently going through the Firefighter’s Academy.
Tonight, they are having family night. They are treating us to dinner and then showing us the skills they have learned in this academy.
Part of it is to help us understand what they will be dealing with on the job. Part of it is so that we can be a part of this important part of their lives.
Yesterday I told him that I’m excited to see him in this. I’m so proud of him for chasing and catching his dream.
This is huge.
But what brought tears to my eyes is when he said, “It’s cool that all of you are coming. But I can’t wait to see Willow’s eyes light up when she sees her Uncle Todd as a fireman.”
Todd and I have had a hard life at times. We lived a different life than our other two siblings and it has seemed that so much has been a struggle for us. We’re stronger for it but sometimes it’s exhausting.
The approval of those we love and respect means so much to us because it helps us validate the struggles we’ve gone through.
I understand what he means when he says that about Willow.
It means he has achieved something intangible but more meaningful that almost anything else in the world.
In the eyes of a six year old, he becomes a hero.
prickly
Aug 18th
Communication online can be confusing at its best. A seemingly innocuous statement from one person will turn into a full-blown accusation to the reader.
It is only natural that we read emotions or perceptions into the words. We look at a statement from our point of view and think about how the person on the other end is responding. Is that person an emotional person? Is that person standoffish? Does that person come at issues like a bulldog or a puppy?
The job I have now relies on e-mail heavily. We are e-mailing prospective students, answering questions for current students, and assisting professors in their duties. Each word we write has significance. How we respond can make all the difference in the other person’s day.
The same can be said for personal e-mail. Do we take the same care in writing as we would with someone we don’t know at all? Do we think about the words that we lay down?
Sometimes I think we take it for granted that a friend or a loved one will understand unequivocally what we are trying to say. The nuances aren’t forthcoming in e-mail all of the time, though.
That is a consideration we need to take even when speaking with those we care about.
the in crowd
Aug 17th
I think I try too hard. I want to be liked by people so much sometimes that I try too hard.
Or, worse, I want to be part of a group of people so badly that I will try too hard.
There is this group online that I am, obstensibly, a member of and I’m supposedly someone that others are supposed to turn to for help. However, the people that I am supposed to turn to for help never respond to me.
I’m stuck in this center space and I’m not sure what to do.
I start to question myself. Did I push my way in? Am I good enough to be a part of the group? Are they ignoring me? Do they not want me there?
I hate that. I really do.
I hate questioning myself so much.
I have to quit living in my head too much.
exhaustion
Aug 16th
I haven’t written in a while.
I’m physically and mentally exhausted.
It has been the longest summer of my life.
I was sick for quite a bit of it. I started a new job. I was taking my first graduate level classes.
I’m exhausted.
Top it off that I have to make up the time when I was sick and my awesome new job paid me for that time and I’m working close to 60 hours a week and trying to go to school. Then add on at least 20 hours a week for homework.
AAAAAAAAAAGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHH!
Yes. I’m tired.
My hands are shaking as I type this because I’m so exhausted.
Whine, whine, whine. I know, I know. I get myself into these things.
But on another note…isn’t that puppy the cutest thing ever?
Really.
monsoons and enlightenment
Aug 5th
Arizona has a monsoon season. It’s nothing like the monsoons of India or the Asian continent. We get downpours but they aren’t typically torrential (although they do cause major flooding and the dry creek beds fill quickly, catching people off-guard and stranded in the middle of 5 foot high floods, waiting to be rescued by helicopters).
Today’s rain is beautiful. I was walking across campus a few minutes ago and it reminded me of Scotland and Hawaii.
Two totally different places, you’re saying. I know. I understand. They do seem different…until you look closely.
Both are inhabited by people who were overtaken by the closest strong nation. Both are fiercely loyal to their rich histories and to what makes them unique. Both are beautifully green with these lovely misty rains that cover the land from sea to sky. Both were run by Kings. Both still full of beautiful cultures and some of the nicest people I’ve ever met.
Lovely rolling hills with steep mountains. Amazing seas. Beautiful music. Gorgeous people.
Hawaii and Scotland
