photo by me.

I feel like I need to explain myself on subjects all of the time. I wonder, sometimes, if I’m speaking the same language.

Yesterday, in class, I made a comment about the interesting gender-related correlation between the four books we had read in class. I did not say ALL books are written this way nor did I say that I believe that men or women write in a certain way. I simply said that between the four books that we’ve read so far, they seem to fall within certain categories. The two men have written sparse and to-the-point books. In fact, the men’s books were both substantially shorter than the womens’. The women seem to write in a more conversational tone.

However, the moment I said that, someone commented that she didn’t believe that all writers are like this.

I didn’t say all writers. I was making a comment on the four books we had read.

–

I wrote about monogamy because I seem to be facing this issue a lot in the last few years. I’m not sure if it’s the men I’m meeting, our ages, or me. I don’t know. So I put it out here so I can think about it.

I keep meeting men (or getting involved with men) who tell me how unnatural monogamy is or how they can’t possibly be expected to lead a monogamous life.

Okay, that’s fine. If it doesn’t work for them, I understand.

However, it works for me…and I’m being asked to compromise myself if I want to be in a relationship.

These aren’t, obviously, the right relationships for me. I just start to wonder why I attract men who don’t have the same desires that I have. I start to question myself.

–

My brother said something wise to me a few months ago. I was telling him that I was worried I’d be alone for the rest of my life.

I had just come out of a relationship and I was sad. I had just been told that my weight was an issue. I had been told that my personality traits were bothersome (not the exact words but I’m trying to be kind to myself). I wasn’t feeling very good about things.

My brother stopped me before I continued.

“Dawn. You work full-time. You’re going to grad school full-time. These are both things that most people do one at a time and you’re doing them at the same time. Concentrate on the things that matter to you now. The rest will come later.”

And he’s right. My school is more important to me than anything else right now. My job pays the bills so I can go to school. I know he’s right.

It would just be nice to share this with someone. It’s an exciting time in my life and I’d like to share it.