When I’m in a relationship, I give everything. I will give my partner the world, if he wants it. I will bend over backwards to make sure he is happy.

I love being in a relationship. I’m at my best when I’m in one. I’m the happiest when I’m in one.

I’m hitting a roadblock right now. I’m hitting a huge wall that has me spinning.

I have lived life in fear. I wonder if me giving the world is a part of that fear. I wonder if it’s a way to keep a person tied to me. If I give myself, gifts, time, etc. to someone, does that make them feel beholden to me, to feel that they must also give back to me?

And when that person doesn’t feel that way, isn’t ready to be monogamous, should I continue to give all of this? Is it good for me? Is it my fear of not being important to that person that makes me do this or do I do it altruistically? Do I do it to pull that person closer to me or do I do it simply because it makes me happy to make that person happy?

I’m not sure. I’m trying to sort that out.

I know that I’m a giving person. I know that I’m happy being a giving person.

I also know, though, that if that person isn’t able to give back to me…not monetarily but usually emotionally because that’s what really spurs me on…then I know I start to feel lesser than. I know that I feel like I’m just not important or desireable.

Can I be in a relationship where both people aren’t giving to one another equally? Can I be in a relationship where I am dedicated to that one person but he’s not necessarily dedicated to me as completely?

I don’t know.