I don’t have a problem with commitment. I have a problem with commitment when I feel someone pull away from me.

It seems that the minute that a relationship feels like it’s going south (to me), I tend to start to withdraw. The blinds come down, the heart pulls out, the mind closes to that type of a relationship.

Oh, I can be the best of friends to that person but once that process starts, it’s hard for me to reverse the motion…even if I want to.

I know it’s a defense mechanism. It’s to stop me from hurting more or from pursuing someone who probably doesn’t want me around anyway.

Usually the “flee” mentality has been good for me because the other person really had withdrawn in an effort to not have a relationship anymore. It has only had adverse effects once. I was dating someone who withdrew from me. I pulled back. He eventually (after about a month) came back and wanted to go even further with our commitment but at that point, I was past the relationship. I think, though, that I was right in doing so because the relationship wasn’t good for me anyway.

I worry, though, that what may appear to me as withdrawing is actually someone’s need to assess what is going on in life and then I may miss out. I worry that, in the future, I may not make as good of choices with this.

I don’t like shutting down like that, either. I don’t like that I can just cut everything off and it’s over. Done. No looking back.

I’m not sure it’s fair to the other person in the relationship.

I’m not sure it’s fair to me.

But I don’t know how to stop it once it’s in process.