remembering what?

photos by me..

“The leaves of memory seemed to make
A mournful rustling in the dark.”

~ Henry Wadsworth Longfellow ~

There are entire sections of my life that I can’t remember; years during my twenties that are either entirely dark or are so hazy that it is useless to rely upon them for any truths at all.

My twenties weren’t so long ago that I should be forgetting them already. It isn’t even a recent occurrence. I couldn’t remember those years in my early thirties, either.

I know, to some extent, the things that happened during those times but that’s just because I was writing journals. I know it was a dark time of my life. It was scary. I wasn’t sure if I’d come out alive.

I remember one incident so clearly that it still stays with me. I had to find something that would give me a reason to smile every day because smiling didn’t happen often then.

I would wake up, see the sun shining through the blinds, making beautiful shadows on the walls, and hear the birds chirping outside.

I clung to that bit of normalcy. My world was a war zone and knowing that the world was still normal outside my walls made everything seem a bit brighter. I could have hope that things would get better. I could believe that life wouldn’t always be so dark.

And it hasn’t been. It’s been a long road to extract myself from that darkness. It has been difficult. It has been painful.

But I’m here. I’m alive. And I’m taking care of me.

I couldn’t ask for much more.