Archive for September, 2006
making a difference
Sep 29th
I found this video on Irina’s blog. You can read more about the movement on her pages.
I found the video touched me. And it brought tears to my eyes.
Then it made me think.
I’ve often wondered, while going through my day, if the things I say, the things I do, can make a difference in someone’s life. For instance, say I go through a drive-through. If I’m treated poorly by the person at the window, how does that affect my day?
The thing I try to remember is that my contact with someone may be the only contact that person has with another human all day long. I know it happens for me more often than not. The grocery store clerk or the drive-through cashier or the bank teller may be the only person I talk to in a given day. That one person. And how that person treats me says something.
So if we gave more smiles or hugs or “atta boys”, would it be so bad? Does it hurt us to do that?
It could make a difference in someone’s day.
And it might even make us smile a bit more.
disturbed
Sep 26th
So, what is it about the tortured soul that seems to be the impetous to great works of art?
Is it a requirement? Do you need to be tortured to produce good works?
This all came to mind because a friend and I were discussing different artists. We were talking about Frida Kahlo, in particular. But I wonder if she was truly tortured or if her spirit was just too large for this world. She had a revolutionary heart and mind. She went against convention. Yes, she suffered physically (she had had polio as a child and endured many surgeries due to an accident). She was married to Diego Rivera – a love affair that was never quite easy.
And then I think about Sylvia Plath who, too, married a fellow artist. Who, too, was tortured by the demons that entered her mind.
And as we talked, I pondered how this bodes for my own arts. I flippantly said, “I’m not a tortured soul. I probably won’t amount to much.”
But I wonder (not that I consider myself on the level of Kahlo, Plath, or any other great artist).
My life is anything but conventional. I’ve never been one to follow trends or want to bask in the afterglow of a leader.
And yeah. It’s hard. It’s hard following your own beat rather than than the one society wants you to follow.
And yeah, I do get lonely or scared or worried over this. And yeah, I do feel left out – probably much more often than I should.
But, I think, that if I’m true to myself, then I’m just not the type to follow what everyone else thinks. I’m just not that person.
So, am I tortured? Do years of abuse and darkness and searching for the things that cannot be found in travel and losing entire stretches of my years to a strange darkness that descends over what is the history of my life count as tortured?
I don’t know.
But I’ve been told that I should write a book. That I should share my story.
I think, for me, my outlet is my photography. It allows me to paint the world as I see it.
I don’t make apologies for it. It is who I am. It’s not conventional. It’s not mainstream.
But it is true to me.
And, in the end, that is what matters.
worry
Sep 25th
I think, sometimes, I don’t realize how much of my life is centered around Dakota. I don’t realize how much time I do spend on his care, on loving him, and on just talking to him.
This morning, as I readied for work, he could tell something was up. He was pacing and shaking. He was nervous.
I wonder if he was reading that from me.
I was having a hard time not crying while I got ready for work.
Today, Dakota had to go in for a teeth cleaning.
I know, I know. It’s relatively minor. But because he’s 10, they have to take extra precautions. That includes putting him under anesthesia. It includes giving him IV fluids. I mean, this is like surgery.
And we all know that the moment anesthesia is used, risks go up.
So, of course, being the worry-wart that I am, I start imagining the worst.
What if this was the last time I saw him alive? Him: shaking, whining a little, wondering why he’s going into a metal cage. Me: begging the vet to take care of my baby and telling Dakota that I’ll see him at the end of the day.
It’s silly, I know. But I am fond of the little guy and it would break my heart if something happened to him.
–
Update: Dakota is okay. He is having spotting bleeding this morning. He had 8 teeth removed. He also won’t let me remove the bandages from the IV. He doesn’t look like his normal self but I think he’s just hurting a bit. He’s on anti-biotics and I’ll give him an aspirin later when I get home from work.
moss
Sep 24th
american life in poetry: column 078
by ted kooser, u.s. poet laureate, 2004-2006
Mothers and fathers grow accustomed to being asked by young children, “What’s that?” Thus parents relearn the world by having to explain things they haven’t thought about in years. In this poem the Illinois poet Bruce Guernsey looks closely at common, everyday moss and tries to explain its nature for us. I admire the way the poem deepens as the moss moves from being a slipcover to wet dust on a gravestone.
Moss
How must it be
to be moss,
that slipcover of rocks?–
imagine,greening in the dark,
longing for north,
the silence
of birds gone south.How does moss do it,
all day
in a dank place
and never a cough?–a wet dust
where light fails,
where the chisel
cut the name.
Reprinted from “Peripheral Vision,” published by Small Poetry Press, Pleasant Hill, CA. Copyright (c) 1997 by Bruce Guernsey and reprinted by permission of the author, whose latest book is “The Lost Brigade,” Water Press and Media, 2005. This weekly column is supported by The Poetry Foundation, The Library of Congress, and the Department of English at the University of Nebraska-Lincoln. This column does not accept unsolicited poetry.
ack – busy!
Sep 22nd
Things are a little busy right now between work and school.
I am trying to get caught up and will be posting regularly again soon (hopefully by this weekend).
Thanks for your patience.
reunion
Sep 21st
american life in poetry: column 076
by ted kooser, u.s. poet laureate, 2004-2006
I’d guess we’ve all had dreams like the one portrayed in this wistful poem by Tennessee poet Jeff Daniel Marion. And I’d guess that like me, you too have tried to nod off again just to capture a few more moments from the past.
Reunion
Last night in a dream
you came to me. We were young
again and you were smiling,
happy in the way a sparrow in spring
hops from branch to branch.
I took you in my arms
and swung you about, so carefree
was my youth.What can I say?
That time wears away, draws its lines
on every feature? That we wake
to dark skies whose only answer
is rain, cold as the years
that stretch behind us, blurring
this window far from you.
Reprinted from “Lost & Found,” The Sow’s Ear Press, Abingdon, VA, 1994, by permission of the author. Poem copyright (c) 1994 by Jeff Daniel Marion, whose most recent book is “Ebbing & Flowing Springs: New and Selected Poems and Prose, 1976-2001,” Celtic Cat Publishing, 2002. This weekly column is supported by The Poetry Foundation, The Library of Congress, and the Department of English at the University of Nebraska-Lincoln. This column does not accept unsolicited poetry.
assessing life
Sep 18th
I am taking part in a study at the university being conducted by the health psychology department. It’s a weight study.
In this study, they are paying attention to caloric, fat, and fiber intake. We have to wear pedometers. We also have to pay attention to our stress levels.
So it asks what my stress level is for the day.
And I start to wonder – on whose scale? I’m always stressed. Always. I worry about everything. I always have. I even went to biofeedback therapy to learn how to calm myself down when feeling overwhelmed and stressed.
The problem with all of this is that I don’t know when I’ve reached that level of too much stress. Too much for me is probably major overload for others. I live with tight knots in my stomach and muscles that feel like they’re wound up and could spring any moment. I live with perpetual headaches.
It’s impossible not to have stress in my life – or any life for that matter, i think. And when you have major deadlines all of the time (and, really, with the type of job I have and the school load I have, it’s a major deadline at every turn), it’s really impossible not to have stress.
My stress level hovers around an 8 on a 10 scale, I think. Every day. Because I’m always stressed – and I don’t really have anything else to compare it to.
One of the things about this study is to assess our stress, to try to alleviate it, and to help us not be stress eaters (of which, I’m definitely one).
So what is my stress level? Really, I’m not sure. But I’ll take a guess.
early in the morning
Sep 17th
american life in poetry: column 077
by ted kooser, u.s. poet laureate, 2004-2006
Li-Young Lee, who lives in Chicago, evokes by the use of carefully chosen images a culture, a time of day, and the understanding of love through the quiet observation of gesture.
Early in the Morning
While the long grain is softening
in the water, gurgling
over a low stove flame, before
the salted Winter Vegetable is sliced
for breakfast, before the birds,
my mother glides an ivory comb
through her hair, heavy
and black as calligrapher’s ink.She sits at the foot of the bed.
My father watches, listens for
the music of comb
against hair.My mother combs,
pulls her hair back
tight, rolls it
around two fingers, pins it
in a bun to the back of her head.
For half a hundred years she has done this.
My father likes to see it like this.
He says it is kempt.But I know
it is because of the way
my mother’s hair falls
when he pulls the pins out.
Easily, like the curtains
when they untie them in the evening.
Reprinted from “Rose,” BOA Editions, Ltd., 1986, by permission of the publisher. Copyright (c) 1986 by Li-Young Lee, whose most recent book of poetry is “Book of My Nights,” BOA Editions, Ltd., 2001. This weekly column is supported by The Poetry Foundation, The Library of Congress, and the Department of English at the University of Nebraska-Lincoln. This column does not accept unsolicited poetry.
perfect
Sep 15th
What a colorful world we live in. When spam can inspire writing, the world must be amazing.
Really, it’s just that I was looking at my spam and chuckling and couldn’t resist. The spam is italicized.
Hi, neon lamp,
You don’t know me but Veronica reffered me to you. Did she ever tell you your size is insufficient? No? Maybe she was just being polite?
I know, I know. This isn’t something you discuss with perfect strangers. But really, neon lamp, I feel your discomfort and I worry about your plastic container. If you keep the lid on tight, it may explode.
ha!
You know about the meeting on the 15′th yeah? I think it will help with your “little” problem. If not, there is always the opportunity to buy Vaigrra from $139.95. Oops. Was that too personal again? I meant to say, Louis Vuitton Handbags, Chanel Handbags, Hermes Handbags From $99. I know that a good handbag can change your entire perspective on an issue.
It will even make you Become fit and happy again. Really. You don’t believe me? Come on. Every person knows that a good handbag makes an ensemble. And, I even believe that you may be able to Find it on MySpace. I know. Crazy. Handbags on MySpace. Who woulda thunk it? The lowest prices possible are found there. Really.
you still workingon it? I know it’s a big leap and the concepts don’t always seem to go together. But buying medication and handbags are very similar. They both may make you feel better in the short term. Really. Trust me on this. I know these things.
In the meantime, Increase calorie-burning energy of your body – get out and shop!
let’s keep in touch,
PHajrARMA (Pharma – easier to pronounce)
mea culpa
Sep 13th
This is another photo that has a lot of views on Flickr. I have no idea why. It’s not that great of a shot but I loved the lighting and I loved that I took it in a place that is very comfortable to me – my bedroom.
Yesterday’s entry came from a place of frustration. I was venting and I know I affected some people because of that.
It’s not the desktops that bother me. Well, I mean, it bothers me that people are getting low quality photos (because I don’t post the large sizes or the increased dpi on the internet). And it would be nice to know that people are using them for that – yeah, it is flattering.
I got a few emails from people apologizing for downloading images to their computers to use as desktops. And then I felt guilty for venting about that. I know that it means they like my photography. I know that it means that this is something they enjoy looking at everyday.
So, I apologize.
I think I was more upset about my photo being used by a corporate presence and by my photos being used by people who won’t ever speak to me or who don’t even acknowledge me as the photographer. I work hard on these, spending hours getting the right feel, the right words to go with them, and to get them posted in a timely manner.
My photography matters to me. I love doing it but I also love knowing that others are enjoying it, that they see the work that goes into it. Because, frankly, I don’t have many visitors and I don’t feel like my photography is well-received. So it is nice, just once in a while, to know that it is appreciated.
My apologies to those people I upset. I didn’t mean to do that.
