doctoral candidate in rhetoric and scientific and technical communication
Archive for December, 2006
beautiful nothing
05 years ago
I’m reading Sue Monk Kidd’s The Mermaid’s Chair. In it, one of the characters, Brother Timothy, is talking about being outside, in nature, and finding solace and peace there. He calls it the “beautiful nothing.”
It just is. It’s that place where people miss how beautiful it is because they’ve seen it a million times.
It’s that place where someone has walked or passed by on their way to work and have missed the beauty of it.
I think this is one of the reasons I’m drawn to photography.
I photograph everything – door handles, trees, dogs, kids, even my toes or a curl on my cheek.
I find something comforting, satisfying, and spiritual in these things. There is something intrinsically beautiful in all of them. Whether it’s a dead tree, a rusty door handle, a can thrown into the forest, or the curve of my own neck, I can find something beautiful in each one.
So I start to wonder if creating something beautiful out of the beautiful nothing is more important than the creative act itself or is that a part of the process for me? Am I trying to turn all of the hurt and pain and sadness that I’ve seen in the world into something beautiful?
I don’t tend to photograph other people – I don’t do urban/street photography (which seems to be very popular and well-received in online communities). It makes me uncomfortable. It’s too gritty for me. It’s too close to the edge.
I will stand on the edge of an 800-foot sheer cliff and photograph down into a canyon but I won’t stand on the edge of a sidewalk curb to photograph another human being.
Am I creating my own beautiful nothings? I look at the details of a blade of grass but refuse to focus on the frayed sleeve of a man sitting on a street corner.
I think about the world I’m creating, the photos I hang in my office and my home.
Yesterday a faculty member was in my office and he saw my photographs on my 3 monitors in my office. He said to me, “You’ve created your own windows into the world. What a beautiful view you have.”
And he was right.
I see the ocean at sunset.
I see the depths of the Grand Canyon.
I see a shell sitting in a puddle of water.
And it’s beautiful. And it’s calming. And I find solace in it.
And yet, it is nothing. A bright, amazing, beautiful nothing.
beacon
05 years ago
I’m at work yesterday, joking around with a co-worker (one of my favorite people, it so happens) and we were talking about yesterday’s conversation with the tea date.
“I’m a beacon for psychopaths.”
She laughs.
“Seriously. The police don’t need to set up stings or all-nighters to catch their psychopathic serial killers. Just send me out into the world. If they are into women, they will be drawn to me like a moth to a candle.”
Her eyes light up and she starts thinking.
“I have dated men who have killed birds and cats and dogs, you know,” I continue. “Ok, maybe not — but they could have!”
She tells me how she lived just down the street from where Jeffrey Dahmer used to lure young men into his house.
“I’m glad you’re not a boy,” I said.
“Me, too.”
So, I began to wonder. If I had lived there, boy or not, would Jeffrey Dahmer have been drawn to me?
Hmmm.
tea for two
0
It should say tea for one and coffee for the other.
I went on a little “date” this morning. A tea date (well, the tea was for me — camomile, in case you’re wondering).
I met him at one of the campus coffee houses.
Nice enough man. Seems very sincere. Seems very sweet.
He said to me, “I was worried that you would either not be smart enough or too smart for me.”
I thought to myself, I can be either at any given moment. Because that’s the way it works. I’m not well-versed in everything but there are a few things that I know pretty well.
But how do you answer something like that?
I’ve had other partners tell me that I was much more intelligent than they are. What do you say to that? Yeah, I’m a smart girl. Heh.
This is the thing though. I’m book smart but I’m book smart in only certain areas. And I know those areas fairly well and can speak with a level of authority in them. I have no street smarts whatsoever. Which is probably why 1) I get in to trouble when I go out wandering around, and 2) why I stay in as much as possible.
Sure, I’m an intelligent person. And sure I’m drawn to other intelligent people. But I’m also aware that intelligence is only one attribute on a list of them that I find attractive. It’s a whole package.
So, he says to me, “Why haven’t you been snatched up? Are you into bad boys?”
Heh.
“I’m not only into bad boys but they have to be hyper-intelligent bad boys,” I respond.
“Psychopathic, you mean.”
“Pretty much.”
That sums it all up.
my father holds the door for yoko ono
05 years ago
american lfe in poetry: column 088
by ted kooser, u.s. poet laureate, 2004-2006
This wistful poem shows how the familiar and the odd, the real and imaginary, exist side by side. A Midwestern father transforms himself from a staid businessman into a rock-n-roll star, reclaiming a piece of his imaginary youth. In the end, it shows how fragile moments might be recovered to offer a glimpse into our inner lives.
My Father Holds the Door for Yoko Ono
In New York City for a conference
on weed control, leaving the hotel
in a cluster of horticulturalists,
he alone stops, midwestern, crewcut,
narrow blue tie, cufflinks, wingtips,
holds the door for the Asian woman
in a miniskirt and thigh high
white leather boots. She nods
slightly, a sad and beautiful gesture.
Neither smile, as if performing
a timeless ritual, as if anticipating
the loss of a son or a lover.Years later, Christmas, inexplicably
he dons my mother’s auburn wig,
my brother’s wire-rimmed glasses,
and strikes a pose clowning
with my second hand acoustic guitar.
He is transformed, a working class hero
and a door whispers shut,
like cherry blossoms falling.
Reprinted from “Folio,” Winter, 2004, by permission of the author. Copyright (c) 2004 by Christopher Chambers, who teaches creative writing at Loyola University New Orleans. This weekly column is supported by The Poetry Foundation, The Library of Congress, and the Department of English at the University of Nebraska-Lincoln. This column does not accept unsolicited poetry.
self-portrait, week #7
05 years ago
by dawn
in self portrait
I doubt myself more than anyone else ever could. I doubt myself far more than I ever doubt anyone else.
I doubt my importance in other peoples’ lives.
I doubt that my life makes a huge impact on others.
Mostly this is because I don’t seem to keep people in my life for very long. And even if I do, it’s not like I have that best friend that I’ve done everything with and who knows me better than anyone. No one has stuck around for that long or been involved that much.
I’m sure this is because of me. I have a feeling that I push people away.
People scare me. I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again. People scare me.
A lot of that fear is from my past. But a lot of it comes from just not reading people well. I don’t understand them.
And today, I’m filled with a lot of self-doubt and wondering what it is about me that pushes people away, doubts about my worth in others’ lives, and how I can change that.
friday fun, #6
05 years ago
In honor of today being World Aids Day, 2006, all of the items I share will be products to support AIDS research, AIDS awareness, and AIDS eradication. While I don’t own any red clothing (it’s just not my color), I urge all of you to wear red today in support of World Aids Day.
broadway cares
Broadway Cares has several red ribbon items for sale. They have the ubiquitous bracelets, a red ribbon ornament for your holiday tree, and a playbill red ribbon pin.
headcovers unlimited
Every good awareness party needs cookies. Headcovers unlimited (which caters to patients who are dealing with chemo, etc., is selling the Aids Awareness Ribbon Cookie Cutter.
gay men’s health crisis
If you want to go all out with your ribbon-wearing, this is the ribbon to get. It’s stylish and long-lasting. GMHC offers the red ribbon enamel pin.
(product) red
(product) red has the best selection of items. From a cool red cell phone to the red American Express card to the much-coveted red iPod, this is the place to shop.
national aids trust
The UK’s national aids trust has some interesting products for sale. I can’t say that I’d really want a safety pin with a beaded ribbon on it but it may appeal to some.
Please support AIDS research and show your support today.