doctoral candidate in rhetoric and scientific and technical communication
and they just keep coming in…
Earlier this week I commented on Jonathan’s response about his preferences to date younger woman.
Today I open up my blog and I find a comment from Rick Fisk:
It’s not bullshit. For whatever reason, our society has encouraged women to start their families after they have reached the age where they should be having grandkids. This makes no sense. You didn’t chose that life when you were younger. Why place responsibility on your date for the choices you made?
I have only a few things to say about this.
- The double standards are rolling in. It’s apparently NOT okay for a woman to bear children at an older age but it IS okay for a man to want to date a younger woman in order to father a child at an older age.
- Women are being defined by their child-bearing status. We are not allowed latitude by those men who have placed us in specific categories.
- The age of 39 is apparently “grandma” age and I should just give it all up because I wasted my grand old youth in NOT having a child in an abusive relationship because I had the forethought to at least think about that.
Do you guys actually THINK before writing?
Hypocrisy at its best.
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The whole age/motherhood thing is so complex. I can say from experience it is WAY easier physically to be pregnant when you’re young, but it is WAY easier to mother when you’re older. Pros and cons to everything. Our society does place importance on the things that come to you after you’ve aged some, like money. And a career. There’s something to be said for having your life to yourself for a while before you give it over to your children. The only problem is it becomes so damn hard to get pregnant as you get older.
No point to this comment, just some ideas to throw in the mix… -
okay, i’ve avoided commenting on this but … why is it okay for a 40 something to become a dad for the first time but not okay for a 40 something to become a mom for the first time??? I just don’t get it. 40 is still young.
Being a newlywed here, I fully intend on having a baby in my new marriage to a *gasp* 40 year old man. I guess he married a younger woman since I’m only coming on 38 (ha ha) Incidently, his last girlfriend was 11 years younger than him and my last boyfriend was 9 years younger than me – interesting that we both chose someone older to marry and have children with … good thing not all men are so shortsighted about these things …
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You say this is a double standard. I don’t see how it is so. I’m not saying that older women shouldn’t date younger men. If it floats your boat and all that. I’m just pointing out the biological “truth” if that word can be used.
At some point we became “enlightened” and women were supposed to wait to start families for a variety of reasons. Why? The species hasn’t survived this long by women waiting to have kids when they’re 40. Probably wouldn’t have either.
Feminism denigrates the role of mother while claiming that it is seeking more power for women. Funny that it is always the men who end up benefitting. Makes you wonder…..Qui bono.
Women are encouraged to explore their sexuality, find a career and eschew differences between the sexes. So when they finally come around to starting a family, they’re no longer in demand. When they were in demand, they weren’t interested in starting a family or embracing marriage and all that goes with it.
And just to let you know, I believe you should have kids whenever you want. I didn’t say it wasn’t ok. I was merely commenting that the man in question is stating a reality.
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some of us do think before writing–and we don’t write. I haven’t wanted to throw in my 2 cent worth here for fear I’d come off appearing a bit sexist too, as I was just over the 40 mark when my first child was born–a couple years older than my grandma was when I was born.
For what it’s worth, I think anyone having grandkids in their 30s today is crazy! And the kids aren’t benefited either.
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I don’t see why if a woman has grandkids in her late thirties the kids suffer, that doesn’t follow. Older mothers are not necessarily better mothers. The news will show you enough instances of older mothers abusing kids as younger mothers. Parenting stress happens at every age. Today is no different from yesterday. The year has advanced, so has science and technology, but people are inherently the same.
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*snort* Grandma age. I’m 42 and I’d love to be a grandma right about now. Not happening, but I’m still kinda hot and only like OLDER men who don’t want to father kids with me.