photo by me

I admit it. I don’t understand what the whole “mid-life” crisis is about. I don’t get the need to revert back to your twenties and live a life you couldn’t have lived then because, 1) you didn’t have the same wisdom, 2) you didn’t have the same income, and 3) you probably don’t look like you did when you were in your 20s – receding hairline, potbelly, thickening around the jowls.

You know what I mean.

So I don’t get it. Does buying a fast car make you feel younger? Isn’t youthful feeling an internal feeling and how do you compliment that by buying a car?

Does dating a 25-year-old woman make you feel more virile? Can’t you find the same thing by dating a woman your own age? Can’t you make your love and sex life exciting with someone who wasn’t in diapers when you were a teenager?

Yeah. I’m irritated. I got an e-mail from an ex who said,

I’ve been dealing with being 41 and all that comes from that reality. My last GF was 26 and while it wasn’t a big deal, it may commonly be more of big deal to other women. It seems if I want to have a long term relationship, women 30 something is possible, but below that I’m just seen as a dirty old man. Interestingly in the UK, I noticed that women seem to be more broad in their age preferences than what I’ve seen in (his city). Wonder if it’s cultural?

I commented back to him,

Okay, so the age thing…women in the UK can often have the very same thoughts as Canadian or U.S. women. Maybe it’s the women you’ve talked to who don’t but my experience is that the same issues are there.

So, I was thinking about this issue. I know how I feel about it. As a nearly 40 year old woman, I’m finding it increasingly hard to find men who are interested in women our own ages. They want 25-year-olds. Sure that can make us a bit disenchanted with the men our age. And it makes us wonder what in the hell they are looking for. Tight bodies. Pfftt. They certainly aren’t going to get the wisdom that only comes with age. They certainly aren’t going to have someone who understands the same cultural and social references because those girls weren’t even born when we were teenagers.

I’m not interested in 25-year-old men. They are boys. They act like boys and they think like boys. I want a man.

So I wanted to bypass my own prejudices on this and talk to a few younger women about it. We have quite a few student workers in the department who range from 20 – 28. Every single one of them, without coaxing from me, said that they would consider a 40-year-old man hitting on them a dirty old man. All 8 of them said the same thing (and I didn’t ask them together – I asked them separately). It wasn’t exciting for them. They want guys their own age.

But I am curious. Why are younger women so much more appealing to men? I actually like men my age. I think they are sexy and engaging and interesting. They have lived. They have experienced life. That’s exciting to me.

But, as I told my brother, it looks like I missed the boat. I’m no longer twenty-five and don’t hold the same enticements that I once did.

Bummer.