photo by me

So, what is it about the tortured soul that seems to be the impetous to great works of art?

Is it a requirement? Do you need to be tortured to produce good works?

This all came to mind because a friend and I were discussing different artists. We were talking about Frida Kahlo, in particular. But I wonder if she was truly tortured or if her spirit was just too large for this world. She had a revolutionary heart and mind. She went against convention. Yes, she suffered physically (she had had polio as a child and endured many surgeries due to an accident). She was married to Diego Rivera – a love affair that was never quite easy.

And then I think about Sylvia Plath who, too, married a fellow artist. Who, too, was tortured by the demons that entered her mind.

And as we talked, I pondered how this bodes for my own arts. I flippantly said, “I’m not a tortured soul. I probably won’t amount to much.”

But I wonder (not that I consider myself on the level of Kahlo, Plath, or any other great artist).

My life is anything but conventional. I’ve never been one to follow trends or want to bask in the afterglow of a leader.

And yeah. It’s hard. It’s hard following your own beat rather than than the one society wants you to follow.

And yeah, I do get lonely or scared or worried over this. And yeah, I do feel left out – probably much more often than I should.

But, I think, that if I’m true to myself, then I’m just not the type to follow what everyone else thinks. I’m just not that person.

So, am I tortured? Do years of abuse and darkness and searching for the things that cannot be found in travel and losing entire stretches of my years to a strange darkness that descends over what is the history of my life count as tortured?

I don’t know.

But I’ve been told that I should write a book. That I should share my story.

I think, for me, my outlet is my photography. It allows me to paint the world as I see it.

I don’t make apologies for it. It is who I am. It’s not conventional. It’s not mainstream.

But it is true to me.

And, in the end, that is what matters.