photo by me

My brother, Todd, the firefighter, car-repairer extrordinaire (he’s rotating my tires here), and all-round great brother, said something to me the other day.

He, again, told me that i’m a good catch. He said to me, “You own your own house, you own your car outright with no payments, you have a great job, and you are working on higher degrees. Men would be lucky to have you.”

He went on to tell me that if I wanted to join a singles hiking club or photography club or something like that, he’d go with me the first few times. He knows I’m shy and that I have trouble going to group events alone.

I told him that we didn’t really have many of those things up here and he said he realized that. That if I wanted to go to Phoenix to join something, he’d meet me there.

Cool, right? I mean, that’s a supportive brother. He wants me to be happy. He wants me to be in a healthy relationship. I have everything else and he wants to see me be able to share it with someone.

I thought it was awesome. I thought it was sweet of him.

So I shared it with a man I was talking to online. We seemed to have some really great conversations going on and have a lot in common.

When I told him this, he said to me, “Your brother needs an Al Anon meeting.”

Uhhh….

I responded, “Uhhh…no. He wants me to find the happiness that he has. He worries about me. He knows that I’m more introverted and if he goes, I’ll be more likely to go.”

And I’m thinking here, whoa…don’t transfer your co-dependent issues onto me and my brother. And you don’t have siblings so how would you understand the support that siblings give to one another?

He says, “If I had an introverted sister, I would let her go or not.”

Wow. Okay. Again, I don’t think you understand the relationship between close siblings. This seemed to be going nowhere and fast. So I said, “Okay. That’s cool.”

But he didn’t take the hint. He kept going. “Or suggest places for her to go. Or give her tips on how to introduce herself and make conversation with strangers. Or give her the phone number of a good therapist. come to think of it, I doubt I would do any of those things unless she asked for help. Kind of like those alcoholics in my family.”

Ouch. So now, because I’m introverted, I’m being compared to alcoholics?

I stopped it. I told him he was being confrontational and turning something really nice into something that was just wrong.

That was a week ago. He hasn’t talked to me since.

And I’m okay with that. I think that when you put your own issues on someone else, there is something wrong. Yeah, we all make judgments but when that judgment starts to border on something not nice, then take a step back. Think about what you’re doing.

I like my brother. I think he’s cool. I admire him. He has overcome many of the same things I have to become a success. He’s smart and generous and beautiful. He has the biggest heart and he shares it freely with those he loves.

I’m thankful for having a brother who cares enough to want the best for me.

And that’s what it boils down to.