photo by me

Once I got over the initial dread of the stress of Thanksgiving dinner, I was looking forward to it. After all, I was going to get to spend time with my niece and nephew and enjoy some good food. It can’t get much better, right?

As I parked my car, Willow came running out to greet me. She was excited that I was there. Right behind her, Justice came out to greet me. “Dawn!” he said in his adorable voice (my name is one of the few that he can say and uses often). He wrapped his little arms around my leg and kissed my skirt.

It made me smile and smile. We were laughing and enjoying ourselves.

After a while, it changed.

I was so excited to show my dad that I had a photograph published. I mean, he is a great photographer and I wanted him to see that I’m following in his footsteps. He barely blinked an eye. It didn’t seem to matter to him.

I showed my mom. She told me congratulations but then said it must be scary. Scary to have a photograph published? No. I’m thrilled. It means that people who are outside of my community get to see it. It’s not scary at all. I didn’t say that but I was confused by her response.

And that was it. That was the full conversation between us. She didn’t talk to me again.

Even when I left, neither one said goodbye. I specifically said goodbye to them. Dad gave me a cursory response. Mom didn’t say anything.

You know, the barbs hurt. They get under my skin and I think about them over and over and over again.

But worse than that is the silence.

I know I’ll never be the daughter they wanted. They got her ten years later.

I don’t work for their approval anymore (despite evidence to the contrary above). At this point, I don’t expect it nor do I ever get it.

It just doesn’t matter anymore. I’m almost forty years old and I know they don’t like me. While it hurts, I’m also ok with it. I have a good life. And, frankly, they are missing out on it.

So, today I give thanks for being healthy, for having people in my life that do love me and care about me, for having people in my life to love and care about in return, and for having a cute, cuddly furry little guy to come home to who makes me smile.