photo by me

I’ve been thinking about this topic for a while and a conversation that I had last night pushed me in the direction of writing it. While the conversation touched on this, the people involved were not in the same situation and didn’t want to hurt anyone or cause any grief.

I’m not one of those people who thinks that competition is bad. I’m not one of those people who thinks that we should give ribbons to everyone and declare everyone a winner.

I think that healthy competition is good for us. It motivates us. It prompts us to do better, to push ourselves, to invest in something that matters.

But I’m also a little leery when people say they win at an argument or that they have come out on top and it leaves someone else feeling bad or hurt or angry.

I wonder what the point is then. Why would you want to win if you’ve hurt someone else? In the long run does it make you feel better? Does it make you a better person? Does it make you more humane? Probably not.

I like to win as much as the next person. In fact, I have this stupid computer game that I play sometimes for fun. It is impossible to win. I have tried it a million different ways but the way it is set up, I don’t think it’s winnable. So when it comes to the end of the game and I haven’t won, it tells me that I’m a loser. It states, unequivocably, “Loser!” How rude, I tell it each time. You don’t have to laugh at me just because I can’t conquer you.

Winning. We have to win the war on terrorism, drugs, illegal immigration. It’s mandated.

Our society has become about winning. The person who makes the most money says, “I win!” What do you win? 80 hour work weeks? Time away from your family and friends? The pleasure of a missing out on a walk through the forest with your trusted pet?

When we win a war, do we really win? And what happens to those who lose? I can’t help but think of Bosnia and all of the people who still suffer there. Or Afghanistan. Or any number of other places. We won. Yahoo.

It doesn’t make me feel like a winner. I feel like we dropped the ball somewhere and let our fellow mankind down.

We didn’t win. We lost something precious.

And I think we need to think about that. When we say, “I win” what does it mean? Have we let someone down along the way to attain that? Have we hurt someone?

Is conquering things really that important?