doctoral candidate in rhetoric and scientific and technical communication
Archive for January, 2007
self portrait, week #12
05 years ago
Willow and I went to the movies today. We saw Charlotte’s Web, which was absolutely adorable.
And I cried. Every time Charlotte wove a new word, I cried. When Charlotte died, I cried. When the baby spiders were born and rode off on the currents of air, I cried.
It wasn’t because it was particularly sad (although there were noticeable sniffles throughout the theater). I think it was because I can remember reading the book when I was about Willow’s age and how sad it was to me and how much loss I felt when Charlotte died.
It got me to thinking about how I cry at movies and how bad I feel about doing that. I am a sap. A big one, at that. And I hate it. I have a friend that says there is nothing wrong with being a sap. He’s probably right. But the sad fact is that in my head, there is always something wrong with crying during a movie and yet I can’t help myself from doing it because I feel strongly about things in movies.
When I was seventeen, I was at home watching a made-for-tv show about teen suicide. It broke my heart and I was in tears. I couldn’t stop crying. It was so upsetting to me.
My dad looked at me and said, “If you don’t stop crying, I’ll give you something to cry about.”
To this day, I hear those words. Over and over. As if it was wrong to feel something. As if it is wrong to be sad or happy or anything other than flat, emotionless, and stoic.
I cry at movies. And I still feel bad about it. But I can’t stop myself and wouldn’t even if I could.
one giant step
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I am thrilled that a woman has finally been elected as Speaker of the House. This powerful position is in the number 3 spot for the Presidency of the United States (behind the President, himself, of course, and the Vice President).
What I’m not so thrilled about is that it is Pelosi. Don’t get me wrong, I think she’s a decent representative. However, I think she plays favorites (as witnessed with her earlier nomination of a friend who had ethics issues) and this whole thing about being the mother is really starting to irk me.
I think that her play on “mothering five children so I can handle the House” is silly. Really. It belittles the members of Congress. They are not children (although, on occasion, some members have acted more like children than most of the kids I know). I think it also reinforces this whole attitude of women being mothers first.
We’re not all mothers. Some of us don’t ever want to be. Some of us will never get the chance. That doesn’t mean, however, that we, too, couldn’t make good leaders in government, commerce, or otherwise. Being a mother doesn’t mean you can be, either.
Yes, it’s an admirable job. In fact, I’ll be the first to say that I think parenting is the hardest job people have and those that do it well should be commended and looked up to for what they do. I admire good parenting. I admire the kids that come from good parenting. I don’t think parents get enough credit for what they do.
What bothers me, however, is that this theme keeps coming up with Pelosi. Great, she’s been a mom to five. Great, she’s a grandmother. That’s awesome. But what will she do for this country? And how will she do it without looking at all of us like we’re her children? We’re not. We are the people who pay her salary and we deserve to be treated as such, not patronized or condescended to.
That’s not good parenting.
noise
05 years ago
Where I live, there is very little in the way of noise. If anything, I hear more animals than anything else: horses, dogs, turkeys, llamas (yes, llamas make chirping noises), goats, and various other animals. In fact, the other night I even heard the yodeling of coyotes. Living out in a more rural area of the city, I realize how affected I am by noise.
At work, I have a corner office next to the lobby. I have an opening in one of my walls that opens right out into the lobby and makes it so I can hear everything that happens out there. People congregate beneath the window and lean against the wall (sometimes hitting it or tapping on it while they lean) and it makes it difficult for me to concentrate on the work I’m doing. When someone particularly loud is out there (and I don’t think people realize how loud is loud when it echoes into an adjacent office), it reverberates through my office. It’s an odd thing — and I’m more affected by it than I would have ever thought I would be.
But it is getting worse. The heating system is also right over my office and it has this sort of pounding silence that beats against my office. Now I’m being affected by light noise. Ambient light is starting to hurt my eyes. If it is harsh, I have trouble seeing things correctly and tend to squint, which gives me headaches. At home, I hear everything because it is so quiet. I can hear the hum of my Tivo. My water pump can keep me up until it goes off. When the refrigerator runs (and it is very quiet), it drives me to distraction some times.
So this actually got me to thinking about something. Are we so used to so much noise that we don’t notice just how much noise surrounds us? In this part of the country we think of noise pollution as the helicopters flying over the Grand Canyon. But I’m wondering if we aren’t dealing with noise pollution every single day in all that we do: the computers, the machines, cars, people, etc.
I think I’m a bit odd. I do get something in my head and then can’t let it go until the noise goes away (and I’ve tried wearing headphones but then I get rashes on my ears or very sore ears (with earbuds)). I keep trying, though, and will find a solution to my problem.
I don’t think the noise pollution is going away any time soon and is probably something I need to learn to deal with or find myself ostracized or living like a hermit in the middle of a deserted island somewhere (if there are any deserted islands left). I can deal with it in small doses (I visit cities on my of my vacations) but I really like the quiet. It is peaceful to me.
Addendum: I think this makes me sound like I’m a freak or something. That could be true but my issue with noise is not so bad that I don’t go out or do things. I do. I just prefer the quiet if I can have it.
barriers
05 years ago
A month or so ago, I watched a few documentaries on the Sundance Channel about the issue of immigration over the U.S.-Mexico border. I watched these shortly after having returned from northern Mexico, the very area where immigrants arrive in the United States after walking for miles and days over the harsh desert.
The first documentary I watched was Crossing Arizona. This production tried to look at the issue from both sides but I always felt like the makers were trying to make a very specific point about the issue that leaned a bit more toward those who are fighting immigrants. They didn’t talk as much to the people who were trying to come across the border, to them as they did cross over, or understanding what would incite someone to risk his/her life to go to a country that both wants them and hates them. They are entering a very racist, elitist, judgmental society that will treat them badly. And yet, they come by the 1000s.
Why?
The documentary didn’t discuss that at all. Instead, we heard plenty from the so-called Minuteman Project. We heard all about their rights and their feelings about this issue (which, obviously, are very negative toward the immigrants). We heard from a Native American man (Tohono O’odham nation) who puts out water, shares what food he has in his truck, and fights against tribal customs to assist the crossers. While the description of the film says that farmers are interviewed, there was very little of that.
Really, though, the voices of the immigrants themselves were hardly existent at all. I’m not sure if that was intentional but it reminded me of how much disrespect is given to them. We speak of the immigrants, the illegal aliens, the migrant workers. We don’t speak about them as people but as groups (and I’m guilty of this as well). Sure, they did follow 3 men but they didn’t give them a big voice in the film. The “guardians of the border” had much bigger voices.
Why?
I watched another documentary about this topic, as well. Wetback follows the migrants across the Rio Grande. This film gives voice to the people moving across the border, understanding why they make the journey. It delves into the reasons for taking this chance, for making this journey
Maybe this is due to the differences in the ethnicity of the filmakers (although I can’t be particularly sure of ethnicity because there is little about Dan DeVivo, editor of Crossing Arizona). Maybe this is due to who gave them access.
What I’d like to see, though, is a film that actually discusses the real issues of this situation from all sides. I’d also like to hear from the U.N. on this and how the Mexican government (really) feels about it, as well.
We need the migrant workers. Our society doesn’t work without them. But they need a voice and they need to be given more respect. They do an amazing job and we all benefit from their work.
They should, too.
punk wisdom
05 years ago
This weekend I watched Punk: Attitude on IFC.
When I was a teen in the 1980s, I listened to a lot of American punk: Dead Kennedys, Circle Jerks, and Black Flag most specifically. They spoke to my disenfranchised, lower-middle class existence. There were times when I tried to get into the British punk scene and listened to the Sex Pistols, Adam and the Ants, Buzzcocks, etc. but it was the American punk I was drawn to more.
It was interesting to watch the program because a lot of what was being said was exactly how I felt at the time.
Interesting things to come out of the program were how some of the old punkers talked about current day phenomenons. I can’t remember who said these two things that stuck in my head but I found them profound. One guy said that today we have a manufactured anger going on. He said anger is being induced at every turn.
I started thinking about this. It’s true. Our leaders incite anger, fear, and hate. They encourage us to be a part of the bigger, better gang or face being ostracized for being different. We are being fed anger over the 9/11 events, the Mexican-American border, drugs, gay marriage and the fact that many nations do not support our militaristic movements. All of this manufactured anger takes away from issues that we should be really angry about: lack of funding for education, lack of universal health care, the increasing divide between the rich and poor, the fact that many people within our own country are going hungry and homeless, that people are STILL not receiving federal assistance in the Katrina-torn south, that bombings are going on in Thailand and Spain, that people are being systematically killed in nations all over the world by their own leaders, that we are destroying our environment, that our government is increasingly taking away our rights.
We are being told what to be angry about to take the focus off of things that may affect us more immediately.
Another person said that the internets are the punk of this generation. This is the area where people can rant and rave, speak out against injustices, feel free shouting out about their causes, and get people involved.
I think, though, that there are forces against these freedoms, just as there were factions against punk. Freedom is scary to those who want to control. Take China, for instance, where the government is very strict about what can and cannot be seen on the internets.
When I first starting my online escapades in the mid-to-late 80s, I felt like a rebel. Hardly anyone else was doing it then. Even in the early 90s, when the cool browsers started coming out and I was one of the few using the new Netscape Gold 1.0, I felt like someone who was on the cutting/sub edge of something.
Now? I don’t think I do. I feel like just one of millions and millions who are, once again, lost in the shuffle of bigger names, people with bigger voices, and not having a voice that is getting heard.
But maybe that is exactly what she meant when she said that. Punk didn’t have huge followings (in comparison to pop/rock/etc.) but the people who did were loyal. Just as I am loyal to select blogs (none of which are “big” names), I have loyal readers who have stuck by for quite a while. Is the importance how many we reach or that we are being true to ourselves and sharing our message?
I’m willing to bet, in the long run, it will be the latter.
celebrations
05 years ago
Last night I ventured downtown with my brother and his family. In Flagstaff we have this little tradition of the Pine Cone drop. The first year, the “pine cone” was actually made of many pine cones glued together. Now, though, the pine cone is this elaborate concoction of metal and lights. It is dropped from the top tier of the Weatherford Hotel.
We also have this tradition of having two different drops. There is one drop at 10 p.m. (which coincides with the midnight hour on the east coast) that is more family friendly. Since most young kids can’t stay up until midnight and they really want to see the pine cone drop, there is an early drop. Then there is the traditional midnight drop.
We didn’t stay long. A lot of people were smoking, pushing, and shoving (okay, a lot of people really only adds up to about 1000 people but in Flagstaff, that seems like a lot of people). It was just a bit too much for us.
The important thing is that Willow and Justice had a good time. Justice was clapping and laughing. Willow was dancing around. And that was worth it.
Resolutions? I don’t typically make any. I’m just too much of a procrastinator and then beat myself up if I don’t meet my goals. I don’t really need that.
I’m already working on the things that I want to change in my life. If I put more pressure on those things, then I would probably fail at them and I don’t want to do that.
But that is so cliche now. It’s cliche not to make resolutions. It’s cliche to make resolutions. I feel like we’re this big ocean of people following tides — with no real individualism.
So, that’s what I want to celebrate this year…being ourselves.
I’m looking forward to reading your blogs, seeing your photography, sharing in your individual lives and learning more about who you really are.
Happy new year!